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She wants me to be real

"Merry Christmas, Riley," Santa says "Merry, merry Christmas"

She pulls away, looks up at o to sleep now"

"Sweet dreaood measure

She returns to her room with the same careful footsteps as before She wants to keep the secret froo, and wait until I hear the determined close of her door Then I start to h, there’s another noise It sounds like … clapping

"Bravo, Santa," a sarcastic voice says "That irls like that"

Lana is in the doorway that leads to the kitchen She’s got on a nightshirt and sweatpants, but doesn’t look like she’s slept yet tonight--she’s vaht’s sleep, so it’s hard to tell for sure

"Hi, Lana," I say quietly I don’t want Riley to hear us

"Hi, Santa" She steps into the room and looks me over I am not used to such scrutiny from a twelve-year-old "I have no idea what sexual favors my brother promised you to do this, but really? You look like a dumbfuck asshat"

"It’s wonderful to see you, too!" I chirp, and continue to put the presents back under the tree

"What, no ‘ho ho ho’ for irl this year? It seee that Haven’t you at least brought me my lump of coal?"

"Shhh She’ll hear you"

"And that would be a bad thing why? I know Connor is a big fan ofillusions, but I think that’s bullshit I can’t believe he gave you that costu Connor long enough to yell at his sister I know this Which is why I don’t answer her, don’t look at her The presents are alo

"What … reindeer got your tongue?" Lana taunts "Oh, I see how it is Indulge Riley in whatever delusion you want But you don’t have to pay attention to me None of you do"

"Lana, really Keep your voice down, please"

"Please! Santa, you’re so polite" She’s co closer now "No wonder Connor likes you"

Normally, it would make me really happy to hear that Connor likes me But she says it like it’s an accusation

"You knoho always did this, right?" she goes on "You knohose suit that is? You know that for years I was just as stupid as Riley, thinking that it was Santa, thinking that it would always be this way But now I’ht he could just dress you up and make it like he wasn’t abandoned like the rest of us"

I oing to defend hi to hear how you can justify being here How you pretend this is nor has completely fallen apart"

I look at her in the eye for the first ti at me is so unfriendly that I have to look away

"I’m here because he asked me to," I say "That’s all"

"A," she says, as if I were a kitten video "You’re in wuv"

And this ti So I look her in the eye again, and this ti, say, "Yes I am In love"

For a second she is silent For a second, I think this has placated her For a second, I think she’ll understand But her recovery is so s

"I hate you," she says