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CHAPTER NINE

‘Can I at least have a book?’

‘No You’re supposed to be resting,’ Mum says, and crosses her arms

‘I can rest, and read’

‘No’

‘They would let me in hospital,’ I lie

‘You’re not in hospital, you’re onGo to sleep,’ she says, and leaves again, shooing Sebastian out and shutting the door

I can convince myself sheup on you every two

I closecrushed in a vice, though it is better than thisvibrated through my skull like drums, and I’d asked for him to be kept out But I’ain Now the injection has worn off, anything could happen

My nightue Most of the time I couldn’t re Often running fro what it was

But this one was different I re on replay before ain I can feel the pain, see ers It is so real

Real like a memory etched within, stark and clear; the kind so horrible you can never forget, noI a Slated It is alht it back, from some hidden place, up to the surface

Who is he? Is he real, or just sohtmare creature that inhabits ht dazzles h the pain and tears But nised his footsteps

One thing is certain and sure If he is real, I don’t want to know

‘Hmmm?’

‘Sorry Did I wake you?’ Amy

I was actually asleep; in a black and silent place, dreas haven’t worn off

‘It’s okay I’et up?’

Amy shakes her head ‘She’ll never let you They said you were to stay in bed all day Mum always follows the letter, whether she believes it, or not’

‘I’reat’

‘Can I get you anything? Are you hungry yet?’

‘No’

A you could do for me’

‘Yes?’

‘My sketch pad She took it away so I can’t draw’

She hesitates Goes into her rooood?’ She holds out a small blank notebook and pencil

‘Perfect Thanks’

‘Keep it hidden’ She winks

I prop ht on pillows, and turn away fro carefully for any little creak thatscratch of pencil on paper, I getfro

I am somebody else

‘Lucky that was me’

I jump

Amy shuts the door and puts a tray with soup on the table next to ?’

I show her Half-Mu over the house

She laughs ‘Oh, God Don’t let her see those We’ll have to hide this away, and--’

She stops and frowns, looking atthe pencil Dread trickles into ht-handed When you drewwith ht hand I just shifted it across to pass you the notebook’

‘Oh Sorry; of course,’ she says and sain

My Levo vibrates: 46

‘Chocolate?’ she asks

I shake my head ‘Sebastian’

She opens the door andSebastian, and du kept out all day I pet hiainst h the quilt, claws in and out

‘Will you eat a little?’ Aet back to 5 she leaves to watch TV downstairs I wrap ht around Sebastian, that he squirms and protests until I loosen my arms

Why did I lie?

In that moment, I was afraid Of Amy? This is insane But the fear was there, it was real As if A a brick

I hold up ers are whole and perfect; there are no scars I can almost convince myself it never happened, thatI could draw better with ered the dream It can’t be a memory I’m Slated; I don’t haveweight onit hard to breathe Every instinct of self-preservation screanored

No one ot soht enough to match the yellow juathered fro in a loose circle in a draughty high-ceilinged hall

Nurse Penny gives rab a chair’

‘Hi I’m Kyla,’ I say, and find a chair in a corner, pull it into the circle

The others sirl, aboutout theinto the darkness

Oh, joy First day at Group Just what I need with this blackout headache still heavy behind o Mum had said maybe I could leave this until next week, but then I decided I felt well enough to coet out of the house Besides, there is no point putting it off: it will be every Thursday at seven until further notice A ‘further notice’ is until they are convinced you don’t need constant