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So warm by my feet

I’m not in my room at hospital My eyes snap open as I remember

Not a Watcher at all across the roo deeply, like Sebastian at , maybe

I slip quiet to the , pull the curtain

Dawn

Red streaks cross the sky, pockets of pink in wisps of cloud, like corrugated twists of rass and wet leaves, in wild splashes of colour Orange, gold, red and all in between

Beautiful

My hospitalfaced west Sunsets I’ve seen, s, true, but never a sunrise

The birds have friends, and the faint song from earlier becomes more as they join in I push theopen wide, lean out and breathe The air is fresh, no arden below and fields beyond that shiht

And somehow, I know The city was never irl Sure of it like breathing, certain this is a place that is more like home to me

Not like home, it is home: yesterday, today, how many more future days I do not know

But before I becas in my subconscious, that there is no way to know if they are true or not Applying sense to the unknown to order it, just the way I draw diagrarass, fallen leaves in swirling patterns of soflowers along the house, all beckon All yearn to be captured, ordered, to become lines on paper I pull thein quietly and slip across the rooht and even

Two green eyes watch from the end of my bed ‘Meow!’

‘Ssssh Don’t wake Amy,’ I whisper, and run a hand across Sebastian’s fur He stretches and yawns

Where areyesterday afternoon I was too fuzzy headed to get involved, all the new things and people taking too much attention

I open one drawer, then another; carefully and quietly, until I find thes, sketch pad and pencils

I take the gift by the tenth floor nurses that last er ago than that; already part of my past

My levels are 61 Not low at all I don’t need a chocolate But who needs an excuse? I open the lid

‘Interesting choice for breakfast,’ Amy says, then sits up and yawns ‘Are you an early bird?’

I look at her blankly

‘Do you alake up early?’

I consider ‘I think so,’ I say, finally ‘Though that could be because at the hospital you have no choice’

‘Oh, I re buzzer Breakfast by six’ She shudders

‘Want one?’ I hold out the box

‘Oooh, te Maybe later, when I’m more awake What is that?’ She points at the folder in s’

‘Can I see?’

I hesitate I rarely show theh them now and then

‘You don’t have to show me if you don’t want to’

I sit next to her and open the folder, pull out the sheets of paper Amy exclaims at the one on top A self-portrait Me, but different: half as I a from an empty socket

‘May I?’ she holds out a hand, and I pass the drawing to her

But that wasn’t on top before I start flipping through the sheets

‘You’re so good, this is ah of them, not as thick a sheaf as it should be Where are they?

‘What’s wrong?’

‘So’

‘Are you sure?’

I nod And look through theined people and places, are present and accounted for Many others are not

‘I’one’

‘What were they?’

‘All sorts of things Nurses My floor of the hospital, maps of different areas, rooms Dr Lysander And--’

‘Did you say, Dr Lysander?’ Ah the sheets, convinced if I look hard enough, they will all be there

‘The Dr Lysander? Do you actually know her?’

I stop looking They’re not here Gone

Bzzzz A warning fro

A, but not fros I have that are s Can’t you?’

39 and falling

‘Kyla! Look at ives me a shake ‘Look,’ she repeats

I tear my eyes from my self-portrait, from the dead eye in the socket To Amy Worry and fear for me in her eyes, whoever I am

34…

‘Kyla, you can draw me Do it, now’

She pulls the sketch pad from the back, puts a pencil in my hand

I draw

CHAPTER FIVE

‘Can I see?’ Ale the sketch away