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I had to try

"It’s not in the cards," I began, haltingly, gasping with the effort, as though s would not cooperate, and er take direction from my brain "I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anyood for you I get that now But can’t you see that you aren’t good formy peace of mind for split seconds of bliss here I look at you, and I remember I remember what I’ve lost, what I should have been, what I could have had Soood, but just as much of it is near unbearable for me I could find sos I’s I’ve lost In fact, I intend to And you, you can find someone else that doesn’t uilt Sohing it down I’m sorry, but I can’t see you anymore I wish you the best in your life, and so I’ you free"

Somehow, I peeled myself away from him and left

He let me

I couldn’t even look at him after that last bit, so I had no clue what it cost him to keep his silence while I sliced us both open and walked away

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

I did what I always did when I was too weak to stand I went home

Bev welcomed me with her warm heart and her open arms, as she always had

I pouredI’d avoided telling since Tristan and I had started seeing each other again

She took it well, didn’t judge, only soothed and listened and soothed some more

I hadn’t even been there for five hours when Frankie showed up, and I wasn’t at all surprised It seemed to be her MO

She was like our co up after a battle to help each side nurse its wounds I must have been the one she’d decided was more badly injured, if she’d found lass of red wine

"Why do I always take life so seriously?" I asked theive me sympathetic looks

"You know, I’ve never smoked crack," I told er reaction

"What the hell are you talking about?" She sounded appalled

"We used to have this hoallery, like a couple of tiuessed