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The probleh school--I have a e of the person inside When I picture A, I picture hihost, ju from body to body That is the person I auy, and in my mind he’s white, and in my mind he has dark hair, and in my mind he’s lean Not buff Not superstar beautiful Just an ordinary attractive I can even see him smile

This mental picture should make it easier for me, should make A more real to me But it only makes it harder, because I know the mental picture is about what I want, not what A is

He is waiting for me outside the Clover Bookstore after school He’s dressed up in a button-down shirt and a tie, which I appreciate But there’s no way around it--he’s big Really big And that’s hard for ly There’s actually so sweet about hier than me I’m intimidated And, yes, it’s really hard for irl-who’s-a-boy’s body one day and this body the next tiuess that’s our code word now Our greeting But it still sounds weird co in this voice, so low

"Yeah, hey," I reply

It’s even worse when I’m next to him I feel miniscule

"What’s up?" he asks, like this body is no different frouess," I say It’s like a test Let’s make A as different as possible from last time, and see how you deal

I’h

"Don’t look at the package," A says "Look at what’s inside"

I get it I do But still, I don’t like the assumption that this is natural

"That’s easy for you to say," I tell hi I think this even though I’ht one step further, and think, It’s like it ith Justin

No It’s not With Justin, I fought because he backedthat