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"Jake," I said "If I don’t come out of this, shoot thattoward the houseboat

"10-4," Jake answered

"What the fuck?" Bear shoved my shoulder "You can’t say that kind of shit to hi seriously"

That was fucked up, Boss Man Jake wouldn’t know sarcasm if it bit him on his Dexter ass, Preppy chi," I said

"It’s tiun

I visualized Doe inone of the 90’s actionback to look atattention to all the parts she deemed very iging for mercy that I carried with ain and handed Bear irl once and for all

Nowithout her

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Doe

I kneas in a dreamlike state and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t wake from it I couldn’t open my eyes I tried to moveand I no longer had use for things like liht I heardBut I couldn’t talk to him I floated further away until I could only hear the echoes of his plea I drifted off further and further until I was no longer floating

I’m nine years old It’s my birthday My mom just came out and eain She just finished telling my friends that no one wants a fat wife so we shouldn’t eat oes back into the house and Nadine finishes cutting slices that none ofhas turned off and although we’d been taking turns selecting songs, nobody chimes in that it was their turn to pick another one

My father appears at the back sliding glass door He’s wearing a suit It’s the only thing I’ve seen hi as I can re else He rarely even takes off his jacket Once ere at a county fair where he was giving a speech in order to support the Future Farmers of A it folded over her arland His sleeves were rolled up The site baffled me so much that when his speech was over I’d asked hihed and ruffled my hair until it stuck out in all directions and fell intoit perfectly straight, burning my scalp in her quest to make me look every bit the picture-perfect political poster child "That’s better," he said, before being whisked off the stage to the awaiting press

My father slides the door open to the back yard In his hand, he’s carrying a big bouquet of yellow roses I think they are for hts they don’t even sleep in the same room And it’s beento the oher after one of their shouting nore

I preferred the fighting Because at least then they were cory and bitter one

My father se of the pool in silence while Nadine tries to raise the spirits of my classmates and friends "Happy Birthday, Princess,"s out of my eyes

"It’s your birthday isn’t it?"

"Yeah, it is" I sound as defeated as I feel

"You’re nine now, and that’s a big birthday I was thinking of getting you another stuffed aniured that floould be alady like yourself" My father stuck his nose inside the bouquet and inhaled, only to pull away abruptly to close his eyes and cough I giggled "People always say these things shed when he saw my smile and handed irl" The green tissue paper is h to fully circle the steht them before they fell into the pool He held them out to me and I pressed my face into the bouquet and inhaled like he had, but didn’t have the saht then and there that roses were my new favorite smell