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"Lola," Charles said again as all eyes gazed at me "You have to tell us now Whom do you choose?"

Chapter Fifteen

Xavier

I could feel Stephan’s eyes on Lola as we all waited for her answer I could see the way he was staring at her so intently, like a fox watching his prey before he got ready to pounce He wanted her I could see it in the way that he watched her He wanted her and it was aboutback at ued me I’d been surprised when I’d seen hihtly and delicately I’d been sure he’d do so harder, more intimate Like he had with Violeta I wasn’t sure why he’d used a dildo on her and then a feather on Lola, but it had cal his teeth out I’d been happy that he’d used the feather, until I’d seen Lola’s reaction to it It had turned her on and she’d beenon the bed And I’d been crazy with jealousy and madness And when she’d come, I’d wanted to die I’d wanted to cut myself into tiny pieces and throw them into the ocean because it was in that ht her here, the fact that I’d thought this was okay, it showed me that I was no better than the other men here I loved Lola and I’d betrayed her and et into the inner circle I kne that it wasn’t ie any of it I was angry with ry at myself, too I’d lost control in the room with her I’d lost control as I’d sucked on her nipples, wanting her to feel the pain that was ravagingher to experience the most exquisite and tender pleasure that she could She was lory, otten that I’d gotten caught up I wanted to punch the wall How could I have gone down this road? We had been brought together by light, by wondrous paintings, by beauty, and I had taken her into a world of darkness and ugliness I’d taken away our joy

"Enough," I stepped forward and shouted "Lola will not be lared at Casper and Stephan "I will not subject her to this anyiving up any chance youaccess to the inner circle of the Society of Brother’s," Charles said and looked at me, his eyes in disbelief at what I’d just said

"Fuck the inner circle," I growled and grabbed Lola’s arm "Fuck the inner circle and all of you I won’t do this to Lola anymore I love her too much for this I’m sorry, Lola" I looked into her shocked face "I’iveI could see the shock in her face She almost looked shell-shocked It had all been too much I realized that now I’d been terribly selfish and ere both going to pay for that We were both already paying for it "I’m done with this madness," I said as I looked directly at Stephan "It’s over," I said,almost hysterical I pulled Lola towards me and walked to the door "It’s over, Lola," I said as she cuddled intodown her face as we exited My heart felt heavy as alked through the building I hadto fix it As we got into the car after she’d gotten dressed, I stared at her forlorn face and ry with myself and I was scared I hadLola through this whole ordeal, but I’d alsoto choose Stephan Though, I wasn’t scared at the thought of notit into the inner circle; I was scared because it meant that I could possibly lose Lola And there was no way in hell that I was going to let that happen

Chapter Sixteen

Lola

There’s a feeling between happiness and sadness It’s a sort ofto suck you in It’s the place where tears hang out, wanting to be shed It’s the place where laughter hides, lost in an abyss of the unknown This place is like a void, the purgatory of the living It’s a place that h no limbs hurt, and no painkillers can take away the nu heart All of thesethat I now foundthat occupied ht This is the place where I currently resided I looked at Xavier and a part of me wondered at how much I hated him and loved him at the same time How could I love and hate soet out of that place Would I ever laugh the youthful, eager, happy na&iuht always ave h all of this I knew that part of these feelings stemmed from the fact that Xavier hated me and the other part ste to do today?" Xavier asked me loudly as he openedtosenior citizen I knew he thought that this was the only way to reach me It’d been a week since the tests and I still didn’t feel right about everything We hadn’t really spoken about what happened and we hadn’t made love, either I’d barely been able to look at hiht of that night I felt ashamed because I felt dirty and I felt asha dirty in the ht he’d taken oing to choose the ry and told me that hadn’t been hi on my breasts It had shocked me and I’d told hiht it had been Stephan I’d tried to explain that I had actually preferred hiht it was hirier And then we’d just stopped talking about it It wasn’t so either of us had wanted to relive