Page 33 (1/2)

Her dark hair, her knowing green eyes, her air of courage I couldn’t stop thinking about her-- out ht leave You’ve left her all alone

I didn’t trust the locks would keep her in if she truly wanted to go The steel inside her e I couldn’t force her to stay fucked withto take their toll

Shit, as I doing? I should be up there taking what I’d paid for I should be plunging deep inside her and searching for some rese pussy

I picked up ha the wooden handle invoice inside coaxed--like it did every ti ainst the well-used surface, I stared at it for the first time in a while Crisscrossed with tiny scars, punctured with small holes of silver, e to slam the hammer onto one of my knuckles consumed me until I shook with need for pain and a droplet of sweat rolled downthe spell, I slowly lowered the hammer and turned my hand over to look at o, I spent days with a scouring brush and abrasive soap washing off theto remove the three small symbols of what I was Only a fellow operative would knohat they meant; would knoas a creature whose only purpose was to fight and destroy

Faded now to a few indistinct lines, they filled me with bone-deep hatred and fear Both palms held theMount Everest had done a better job of hitting ht ItHazel

The rehts, and I surveyed the shelves and barrels full ofns or solutions I came up with, the outcomes I envisioned all ended badly I couldn’t trust her to obey That meant I had to restrain her Put her on a leash like a pet I’d bought to use But if I restrained her, the neurons in my brain would think she was prey

She is prey Dobycha

I’d slipped and used a word froue I’d called her prey in Russian The intensive dialect classes I’d crammed when I first arrived in Sydney abandoned e any how easy it’d been to fall into old languages--how imperfecther toet her the hell away frohts that dragged up my past

You’ll never be naked around her

You’ll never feel her hands on your cock

You’ll never be able to have full body contact

You’ll end up snapping her neck

I was a fucking idiot

I wish I never set eyes on her

Prowling to the crucible with a lump of previously melted bronze in the centre, I cranked the furnace and set the tool into the licking flahts of how fucked-upequipth of silver chain I’d been using on an intricate custom piece, a concept came to mind A blueprint to somehow keep Zel safe--or as safe as possible froranting a small illusion of peace

Hours inched past as I toyed withmaterials was a reminder that no e We couldnew, even a hunk of iron

I had to hold faith

I could change

Over tien, I turned hts off and proceeded to turn a piece of chain into a prison

The sun tinged the horizon with its pink and golden welco the stairs frohed heavily with relief

Through the glass roof along the central spine of the house warht spilled The faht was over Day was back

With every step toward my room, I clutched the silver harder I hoped like hell this worked Opening the door quietly, I ht patches ofsun There were no curtains on the lare

That was another thing Zel would have to get used to I never slept in the dark

Night had been work hours--full of terror and terribleness Day was ht--the sht belonged to ed towoed up over her shoulders, her hands shoved under the pillow beneath her cheek

My heart thudded hard She was inon my side of the bed

I wanted to tear the protection off her and touch her I needed to find that spark, the energy that existed between us Reh to try this

But I couldn’t Not yet

First, I needed purging

Entering the bathroo the item I made on the vanity, I stepped into the black-tiled shower Turning on the tap, hot water rained instantly I twisted it on as far as it would go

It hurt It burned It scalded a layer of skin But I didn’tfire did so of choice

I’d read son an individual needed counselling And they were right However, I wasn’t crying out for help when I forcedwater I found salvation