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"Fine So is, that sorunts and looks out theat our yard Our house is in the nicest part of Ankeny, with a big shaded lot and an acre of lawn that I had to o out on the weekends Today it’s overcast, patchy snow still on the ground, spring weeks away
It’s not my yard anymore
This isn’t my house
I’e?" he asks "Or to the police?"
"No But I intend to"
"You say you suppose Nate posted these photos in the first place because he was upset Does he have any reason to continue to be upset with you? So that prompted this second attack?"
It’s West, of course West and ether Out in public, around campus, so obviously a couple, so obviously into each other
What did Nate tellthe room? That he orried about me That ere friends, we’d always be friends
What did he want that night when he came to West’s apartment with Josh and offered to buy weed? To stake souy I ended up with?
"I think he s for me"
"I see"
Then randfather clock and await his judg to have to speak with Dick," he says "He ht into the best course of action on matters like this"
Dick Shaffer is my dad’s friend, a prosecutor
"I’ve looked into that," I say "And I have awith the Student Affairs office this afternoon, where I’al to share sex pictures online, provided they’re pictures of an adult and they’re the possession of the person who shares them--that they’re not stolen and they weren’t coerced Whichthe police can do But if we go after Nate for violating the technology policy--"
My dad’s gaze sharpens "Go after hiht, if he was using the campus network, that was a violation of the ca--"
My dad stands up abruptly and carries his laptop over to his desk, where he leaves it, silver and shining He tucks his hands behind his back and begins to pace, deep in his own thoughts
I’ve lost the thread of , anyway
I don’t knohat to say to get him to listen
"Do you remember," he asks, "what I told you when you turned fifteen and I allowed you to have your own Facebook account?"
"Yes"
He twirls a finger at me Repeat it
"You told me to be careful, because the Internet is a public foruo away"
"And I told you it was especially important for you to be careful, didn’t I? More than your sisters Because you want to be a lawyer You want to be a leader of men"
I did
I do
"Is this the behavior of a leader of men, Caroline?"
That question--it hthat I can’t immediately identify
Before my sophomore year at Putnam, I’d never understood that your whole world can pivot on a feords
A text e that says OMG
One question from my father: Is this the behavior of a leader of men?
The answer cos, that ripped-open wound that’s been cut and kicked and battered The part of ive up
Yes is what it tellsI learned froraphies of world leaders, it’s that people who make a difference in the world succeed not despite what’s happened to the things your father will approve of It’s not about being good and smart and pretty and lucky You can’t lead from inside a bubble
You have to live to lead, and the past fewin love with a boy my father forbade me to talk to Hell, not a boy, a man A smart man orks hard and never skips class except when he has to because I’ dealer A brawler West is both of those things
But he’s also a son, an older brother, a generous lover, and a kind, a out who I a what I want, and it’s the same as what I’ve alanted, only I’row and learn They run into dragons, get burned by them, temper their swords in the fire, and take them on
That’s what I want to do That’s who I want to be Not this girl cowering in her father’s office
I want to be fierce
So I stand up, too I plant , cross my arms to match his I let my eyebrows draw in, the corners of my mouth fall, and I ask him, "What do you mean by this?"
"Sorry?"
"You said, ‘Is this the behavior of a leader ofa, are leaders ever betrayed? Yes All the timent," he interrupts "There’s a reason you’ve never seen a sex-photograph scandal involving the president of the United States, Caroline, and it’s because--"
"It’s because Monica Lewinsky didn’t have an iPhone, Dad Are you kidding ht sending pictures of their penises to staffers?"