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I’ve never touched him there I’ve been afraid to, always afraid that there are rules and I don’t know theive me a book called How To Touch West’s Penis, and I can study it until I’h of that In this bed, this cocoon, I’m allowed to reach out for hi eyelids, his lip caught between his teeth

I’ers down his happy trail, shi into his chest,what I find

Hard Hot Big--oh hs

I think it’s supposed to be a laugh He sounds like he hurts I want to htenhis face to see if it’s okay If I’o-round on this rodeo, but I don’t want to be inept I want to give hiain, hisback

Okay, then That seeuess, officially, is a grunt, but it’s so sexy I could die I find the wet spot at the head of his penis, slide my palm over it, slick it doard West’s hand is there suddenly, rudely shoving past ht

"I’ perfect Keep doing that"

So I do the sa him slippery He starts to push up intoin his cheeks I love that I watch hins that he likes it, likes this I kiss hi to push him off a cliff like he did to uess because he can’t concentrate

That makes me sorgeous

"Caroline" He covers his eyes with his forear hter andI’d have dared on onna come, don’t stop"

I can’t decide what to watch, so I watch everything Our hands working together The head of his penis peeking out between the off the bed, the helplessness in his face when he coroan, feel his body lift up underneath lorious

When it’s over, his arrip on ers slack Face slack I pull the blanket up over us

I listen to the wind outside, the snow hitting thein a thousand tiny taps

I think about how many pictures I’ve seen on the Internet Shiny cocks, pinkish-purple heads, spurting semen

I think of e just did, West and me Hoould look in a picture

A picture like that--it could never be ether It would only be parts, but the parts aren’t the thing that matters

It’s all of it All of West and ht Pictures lie I don’t understand why I didn’t get it before--that it’s not me on the Internet It’s just so the world

They’re about him, those pictures They’re not about me

"You okay?" West asks

I’ve never seen his face so relaxed I kiss the corner of his ood"

His srows "You’re not You’re bad Bad as the rest of us, Caroline Piasecki"

I kiss his chin That sht it would be"

His laugh is as soft as his face "I better clean this s over the side of the bed, walks toward the bathroo the way I hear water running "You want so to eat?" he calls "I think I have chicken noodle soup And I brought a loaf home"

I look at the clock, surprised to see how late it is Our fiftyoff this tireat"

I burron, pull the covers up to eupfor you," I tell hi on his socks Preparing to go make me chicken noodle soup, which, I have to say, is the hotness Even though all that’s involved is a can and so"

There’s tension in the way he shapes the words, and when he glances toward me, his eyes are cautious

I don’t let it bother et a lot of presents I sit up and press rinch Hang on, I’ll go get it"

I walk out into the living roo withon a little show because I know he can see ood So happy

When I coht hiold bow He puts it in his lap, reluctant, or ive him the card init along the side in a way that causes it to flex inside the envelope and then release, slightly creased, into his palm Thein an untidy pile on top of the book