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"Can I do this?"
What I’ive h or a judgment, just a pleased noise "Yeah"
He draws a line across my chest, above the swell of my breasts "Above here"
I inhale and feel the line rise The wake of his touch
He strokes down my arm to my wrist "And here" He rubs his thumb over my wristbone
"There?"
"That’s where I’ll touch you"
"That’s it?"
He looks hard and long atcomes awake and puts out its arms and says, Come in, come in, come in
He taps ainst his shoulder, wanting to gru to skip all the best parts "Is there a weird, kinky reason for this that I’?"
He puts his hand in my hair and lifts my face so I have to look at hi this As if tellinghe’s done since he opened the door It makes me certain that he hasn’t always been able to draw lines, hasn’t always set the terms
It makes me wonder who he’s been with before, and how
"Do you want er across his chest "Above here" Down his ar here" A lingering tap north of his knee "Froers, which have given up tapping in favor of fanning out over thethe full width of my palm with soft denim and firm warmth until I reach the crease of his hip and have to decide where to go Map hio with the flow and trustfunny But those words--trust me--crumple up my confidence and toss it away
I think, all in a rush, of the reasons I can’t trust Bad breath and body s The words on the birth-control chart that hangs on the inside door of the bathroootten around to Frottage Riirls West has had sex with, and it seems vitally necessary that I find out so I can compare myself to them unfavorably
There are condo size
Trust me, he says, and I can’t shut off my brain Last time we kissed, I was stoned, so it was different This time I have no defense, no way to hide from how close his eyes are, how ot better about it, butwas pretty ured out that it worked better if I had a few drinks first Then I tried to plan as many of our sexual encounters as possible for parties
I’, in the daylight
I don’t trust it I don’t trust hs
Then he shoves me
I’m on my back with West above me, those eyes like smoke, that sain, and kissesWest is nothing like kissing Nate His mouth is warm and sure of itself, and it says, Shut up, Caro Close your eyes Stop thinking
Feel
I do I can’t not With West’sI’m capable of
We kiss Time passes, and we kiss
I wish I had words, if only so I could press theue, soft lips and angledThis beautiful pulse, this da ache
There are more ways to kiss than anyone ever told et West, his ht, his smell
We kiss
The lines we’ve drawn on our bodies aren’t important They’re just pencil , it could get scary if we let it
Kissing West ishis shoulders It’s clutching his back when he plunges his tongue intomy hands under his shirt to steal the heat and smoothness of his skin
It’s his body above h of because he’s always been so far away and now he’s here His palers curled around rip because they want to wander and he won’t let thee dark pupils, his eyelashes long and his eyelids sleepy
It’s the sighing weight of his forehead on mine when he has to breathe
Lazy heat Connection Safety and quiet in a place where I’ve been alone and afraid and the voices in my head have been loud for weeks now Months He casts a spell on eous daze where I could kiss him forever and be perfectly content
We have fiftyin my consciousness Fifty minutes How many are left? My lips feel full, bruised, tender and slick I can’t re this much Surely I ? But when I think that far back, I uments We would kiss, and then he would want et distant, huffy, pained
You don’t knohat it’s like, Caroline
West is carrying his weight on one elbow, his legs and hips off to the side I don’t know if he’s hard I haven’t cared, haven’t thought I’ve been too busy kissing, and I don’t knohat it’s like
Cocktease, the Internet Asshats say, but this tiot about him
I break the kiss so I can crane my head around and look at the ti for thirty-five, fortyenough, if we need to do soht is spiky, uncozero attention to ers around the thick leather of his belt Bring the
I pull the leather fro?"
"If you’re … you have class, so …"