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"I thought life was mellow here in the wine country"
"Then they tell me," Ned continued, "if I bust up the second one, they’ll put a third on the lawn, plus they’ll manufacture a bunch and sell ‘enome"
"Sounds like an empty threat," said the tourist "Would there really be people who’d want such a thing?"
"Dozens," Billy assured him
"This town’s beco in from San Francisco," Ned said sullenly
"So when you didn’t dare take a sledgehanome, you were left with no choice but to pee on their s"
"Exactly But I didn’t just go off half-cocked I thought about the situation for a week Then I hosed them"
"After which, Henry Friddle cli for justice"
"Yeah But he waited till I had a birthday dinner for ed
"Does the Mafia attack innocent nantly
Although the question had been rhetorical, Billy played for his tip: "No The Mafia’s got class"
"Which is a word these professor types can’t even spell," Ned said "Mom was seventy-six She could have had a heart attack"
"So," the tourist said, "while trying to urinate on your dining room s, Friddle fell off his roof and broke his neck on the Ned Pearsall gnome Pretty ironic"
"I don’t know ironic," Ned replied "But it sure eet"
"Tell hi a sip of beer, Ned obliged: "My mom told me, ‘Honey, praise the Lord, this proves there’s a God’"
After taking a moment to absorb those words, the tourist said, "She sounds like quite a religious woman"
"She wasn’t always But at seventy-two, she caught pneumonia"
"It’s sure convenient to have God at a tiured if God existed, maybe He’d save her If He didn’t exist, she wouldn’t be out nothing but some time wasted on prayer"
"Time," the tourist advised, "is our reed "But Mom wouldn’t have wasted much because mostly she could pray while she watched TV"
"What an inspiring story," said the tourist, and ordered a beer
Billy opened a pretentious bottle of Heineken, provided a fresh chilled glass, and whispered, "This one’s on the house"
"That’s nice of you Thanks I’d been thinking you’re quiet and softspoken for a bartender, but now maybe I understand why"
Fro the bar, Ned Pearsall raised his glass in a toast "To Ariadne May she rest in peace"
Although it ain Of Ned, he asked, "Not another gnoedy?"
"Cancer Two years after Henry fell off the roof I sure wish it hadn’t happened"
Pouring the fresh Heineken down the side of his tilted glass, the stranger said, "Death has a way of putting our petty squabbles in perspective"
"I miss her," Ned said "She had the most spectacular rack, and she didn’t alear a bra"
The tourist twitched
"She’d be working in the yard," Ned re, and that fine pair would be bouncing and swaying so sweet you couldn’t catch your breath"
The tourist checked his face in the back-bar mirror, perhaps to see if he looked as appalled as he felt
"Billy," Ned asked, "didn’t she have the finest set of reed
Ned slid off his stool, shambled toward the men’s room, paused at the tourist "Even when cancer withered her, those er they were in proportion Almost to the end, she looked hot What a waste, huh, Billy?"
"What a waste," Billy echoed as Ned continued to the men’s room After a shared silence, the tourist said, "You’re an interesting guy, Billy Barkeep"
"Me? I’ve never hosed anyone’s s"
"You’re like a sponge, I think You take everything in"
Billy picked up a dishcloth and polished solasses that had previously been washed and dried
"But then you’re a stone too," the tourist said, "because if you’re squeezed, you give nothing back"
Billy continued polishing the glasses
The gray eyes, bright with ahtened further "You’re a man with a philosophy, which is unusual these days, when most people don’t knoho they are or what they believe, or why"
This, too, was a style of barrooh he didn’t hear it often Compared to Ned Pearsall’s rants, such boozy observations could seem erudite; but it was all just beer-based psychoanalysis He was disappointed Briefly, the tourist had seemed different from the usual two-cheeked heaters ar his head, Billy said, "Philosophy You give me too much credit"
The tourist sipped his Heineken
Although Billy had not intended to say more, he heard himself continue:
"Stay low, stay quiet, keep it simple, don’t expect er set involved, let the world go to Hell if it wants"
"Maybe," Billy conceded
"Admittedly, it’s not Plato," said the tourist, "but it is a philosophy"
"You have one of your own?" Billy asked
"Right now, I believe that ful if I can just avoid any further conversation with Ned"
"That’s not a philosophy," Billy told him "That’s a fact"
At ten in caood as any and an object of desire without equal
Billy liked her but didn’t long for her His lack of lustthe men orked or drank in the tavern
Ivy had any hair, lih Hefner had spent his life, searching
Although twenty-four, she seeenuinely unaware that she was the essential male fantasy in the flesh She was never seductive At times she could be flirtatious, but only in a winsoirl wholesomeness were a coedirectly to the bar "I saw a dead possu Old Mill Road, about a quarter mile from Kornell Lane"
"Naturally dead or road kill?" he asked
"Fully road kill"
"What do you think ither purse to him so he could store it behind the bar "It’s the first dead thing I’ve seen in a week, so it depends on what other bodies show up, if any"