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"S’belle? What the fk is it?" My i the better of me

Her stare searches the table "The sha with her that it does

Silence falls again for another few short ave birth to our child" Her voice is shaky and broken Her words co whispers and squeaks

The floor drops fro and the room doesn’t see what she just said in my head, but it doesn’t make sense I sit there motionless I couldn’t have heard her correctly When my senses recover, I flash her a look that seeks answers

Through gritted teeth I ask, "What did you say?"

She squeezes my hands, but I jerk the except the overheadcan be heard There’s a look of desperation on her face, but there is no way I can help her

"What did you just say?" My voice takes on an aggressive tone I’ve never used with her as her words register in my brain--I have a child out in the world

Tears now slide down her face She leans forward and through sobs says, "On March seventeenth, alave it up for adoption That’s why I wear the shamrock It symbolizes the love I have for the baby I wish every day I never let go"

My body goes liure out why she’d tell me this in a public place Oh God, my stoue over the sparkling green eet up but sit back down, needing a chance to understand what she’s tellingcoest ti but the truth, but I can’t find it I glance around at the e

"IIdidn’t wantI didn’t want to have to tell you, but I knew I couldn’t start this relationship with a lie That’s--that’s why I wanted to keep it casual II thought you’d get me out of your system and move on," she stammers

My eyes flare to hers, but the fire I feel is not from want or lust "Why didn’t you tell aze "Because I didn’t think you’d care"

"Then you don’t know me at all," I spit out

"No, I do know you I do"

"So what? Is this one of those half-truths? Because I’ll tell you so up, I reach in my pocket and toss a fifty on the table With her chest visibly rising and falling, she watches me silently She stares atelse I look at her one last ti there As soon as the cool air hits s, I feel I can finally breathe I pace the sideith lass at her A few seconds later she’s standing in front of me

"Ben, let’s talk about this I want to explain everything It’s not easy for me, but I understand you’re upset"

My eyes burn into hers with an anger I’ve never felt for anyone "What exactly are you going to explain? Explain how you had a baby,me?" I hiss

"It’s not like that It wasn’t that easy"

"Really? What part wasn’t easy? The part you skipped about inforo back in and sit down"

"Why would you think you should telllike that in a public place?"

"You said you wanted to put the past behind you I just wanted tokidding me? That is not the past"

"It is It’s ht "How could you not tell me back then?"

"I tried I called you twice"

"I rees that said to call you back There was no urgency in your tone You knew I had a girlfriend I couldn’t call you back That wasn’t trying"

"I called," she cries again, her voice fading

I throw ain You had to know that’s why I thought you were calling So you may have called, but you didn’t try to tell me this Don’t fool yourself"

"What difference would it have made if I had told you?"

"What difference?" My voice spikes up in anger

"It wouldn’t have changed anything"

I stare at her with coldness in my eyes "Fuck, is that another one of your half-truths?"

"No guy wants to hear he got a girl pregnant," she says, her voice raspy

"Hoould you knohat I wanted to hear when you never gave me the chance?"

"What would have been the point?"

"The point in tellingme there’s a part of me out there in the world? I don’t know, maybe that I deserved to know"

"I’m sorry," she cries, and closes her eyes

I stare at her,pulled in so many directions I don’t knohat to do Then without another word I turn and walk away

CHAPTER 20

Little White Lies

Bell

The dogwood trees blow in the wind and their white blossoms whirl in the air One sticks to my arm, but I swat it off I don’t want tohis back as he walks away from me until I can’t see hi nowhere When another blossom blows in my path, I pause for a brief moment and decide to make a wish after all I wish for him to understand--even when I know that’s impossible Still, I’m not sorry I told his differently froain I’