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Feeling defeated, lost, and disheartened, I turn around and go back to the restaurant to get s It’s quiet inside and thank God Rocko is nowhere to be seen Pebbles has always been a place of comfort for me That’s why I flock here whenever I’m nervous It’s kind of like a ho me here after school sometimes, just him and me We’d sit and talk about my day, about music, and about my brothers Rocko would join us soer They were good friends, attended high school together and Rocko even played the drums for my dad when he was on the road So after my dad died I came here a lot I’d take a bus after school to just sit and talk to Rocko He’s told ood ones, happy ones--it was the way I wanted to remember him

A brief bittersweet smile passes across my lips as I walk by the bar and look at the picture on the wall of Rocko andall the other celebrity photos My dad was faht so More tears fill my eyes and I don’t even knoho they’re for anye of books off the table and fuo back outside I hand my keys off to the valet and hile he quickly pulls e inside The sound of the car engine helps to muffle my loud cries

You knew better, I cry to ht he’d be ust The flame of attraction that burned in his deep blue eyes whenever he looked at istered

The drive home feels too short and the walk up the stairs even shorter The longest part of the day is yet to coht I was supposed to spend with hiest ti it won’t be hinore it and resu my numbness to vanish because the pain will be too much to bear

Iagain wakesfor it Romeo Fairchild flashes across the screen

"Hello," I answer

"Bell, it’s Romeo Sorry to bother you at hoht at a bar not too far from the showroo if you would come over and tell me what you think"

I contemplate the idea Maybe some distraction is just what I need Maybe a drink wouldn’t be so bad either I need to get Ben out ofo down this road with him I knew there was nowhere else for it to end up Ben just isn’t the kind of guy to open his arive you, it’s okay Somehow I hoped it would be different, yet in s would end up like this

"What do you think, Bell? Tate said he’d try to hts Soht with this invite I reht in a rush to see Ben that I saw Tate and Ro together, the three of theht, but I’m sure you and Tate will find your own kind of fun"

His laugh is a rumble "Guess you’re not interested in our kind of fun Sorry to hear that But if you change your mind we’ll be at a place called Beck’s It’ll be fun, I proo"

"Yeah, no worries," he says, and hangs up

I stand up and pace the rooe is on the couch where I threw it I open it up and place both books on the coffee table, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn on top

I decide to callokay?" she answers

"Yes, but you sound like everything isn’t"

"I’er’s father is really sick and Jack and I are going to fly out in theto be with her Can I call you back?"

"Of course No rush I hope everything is okay"

"I’ll call you back," she says, and hangs up

I try to call Jagger but there’s no answer I try Aerie but no answer there either My aunt and Jagger’s father were close; at least they hen I spent a year with my aunt in Paris She spoke to him every day I felt they were in love, but they were two ships that passed in the night, star-crossed lovers, I reer in my already broken heart and no one else to talk to about Ben, I head for the door, leaving my cell phone behind I need to chase away the dark clouds stor in my head--a few bottles of wine, maybe even a bottle of vodka can certainly help me do that

CHAPTER 21

Away from the Sun

Ben

The winds have picked up as I tear down the road I haven’t wanted a drink in a long tiet out of town I don’t pay any attention to where I’reen A few hours later I end up far from where I started, in West Hollywood, only a few blocks fro bumper to bumper and I can’t sit in it I park in the first open spot I find and walk the rest of the way to his place

The sign above the door is lit in neon red It’s like a beacon lighting my way in a storm I slip inside the hole-in-the-wall bar and look around The place has really changed The jukebox that sat in one corner is gone, as are the few booths that used to line the wall to the right They’ve been replaced by a stage and a dance floor made out of parquet wood The few bunches of tables that used to be scattered throughout have iant L-shaped bar is the saed I sit at the end of the bar and a chick I don’t know approaches ?"

I scan the more than one hundred beers behind her "Whatever you want to give me," I answer, unable to decide

She pours a beer and sets it in front of est time as she tends to some other customers Then I pick it up and down it

She bends down in front of me to wipe a few toodripped on the bar "Another?"

I nod "Beck around?"

"Senior or Junior?" she asks, twisting to refill lass

"Junior"

"No, he’s not around much anymore" She bounces her tits in my face

"Who are you?" I ask her