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I did not, for even an instant, consider trying to explain my truth to my father That was how I had come to think of it in the days of fitful wakefulness after my return home My truth was that, in a dream, I had failed to folloara’s co I knew better I hadn’t He had warned me that she was a formidable enemy I’d not struck when I had the opportunity to kill her I would never knoould have happened if I had rushed forward the moment I first saw her and slain her Noould live with the consequences I’d died in that dream place, and as a result, I’d nearly died in this world, too I wondered if there was any way I could even discuss that "dream" with my father I doubted it Ever since I had learned my father’s secret opinion of me, ever since I’d heard him express to my mother his reservations about my fitness to command, I’d felt an odd distance froer, with never a word of warning Had he ever even considered that I ht not come back from such a test? Or had that been an acceptable risk? Had he coldly judged that it would be better to lose race from me when I was a soldier? I looked at hier and despair

I quietly spoke the first words that caht now"

He nodded sympathetically, deaf to the emotion of my words "I’m sure you’re still very weary, son Perhaps we’ll talk about this again another time"

The tone of his words sounded as if he cared Doubt swirled through e? Did he think I had it in me to command men? Worse, I suddenly doubted my own future Perhaps my father saw me more clearly than I could see ood officer I heard the door ofshut off from the future I’d always assumed I would have

I leaned back on my pillows I took a deep breath and tried to calh I could force hts in my mind only chased one another more swiftly I felt they had worn a rut inthe days I lay in bed, strangely weak beyondto ic failed If it had all been a dream, then I could blaed me, first with the smoke from the ca inafter that had been illusion, of course It had all been ; none of it had really happened But why then had Dewara been so angry with ry that he would have killed me if he had dared Only his fear of my father had made him spare my life But ould he have ression that he couldn’t have known about? Unless it was possible that he truly had followed me into my dream; unless, in some peculiar e had entered soether

That circle of illogic gave way to another conclusion The dream I’d dreamed hadn’t been mine I was convinced of that in a way I could not dispute with n to e or such a chasm I would certainly not have dreaht! A two-headed giant or an aruarded a river ford or bridge if it had beenends AndI felt puzzled, as if I’d read a tale fro I could not even decide why the dream seemed so important to me I wanted it to fade as ered with me for days

As the dreary days of ed with recollections of my days with Dewara until all of it seemed unreal It was hard for me to put the events of those days in consecutive order I could show Sergeant Duril the skills the Kidona had taughtthe written intoI did not want to carry the Kidona into otten into my very blood, the way he accusedin his soul So at the coarse stone the doctor had dug out of my flesh, and try to decide how much of the experience had been real The rock and my scars were the only physical evidence that I had that any of it had happened Occasionally I would touch the round bald spot on the crown of my head I decided that I had been unconscious when Dewara struck me there, and my brain had incorporated the pain into my dream