Page 49 (1/1)

I considered h my experience If I ever toldnative," he’d never respect ht he could accept "Dewara kept his word, Father"

"He went past his word To notch your ear…I had the doctor put a stitch in each, son There will be scars, but less than Dewara intended That I could have accepted, since you admitted you disobeyed him In truth, I expected you to come home with a scar of some kind A scar is no shame to a soldier But deliberately to expose you to the sun when you were helpless, to leave you parched and burning…he said nothing of that, nor have I ever heard of it as a punish I think he struck you in the head Do you have any recollection of that?"

When I shook my head, mutely, he nodded to himself "Perhaps you would not recall it Head injuries can erase part of a e that you must have been unconscious for sohts swirled around his earlier admission I said it aloud, to make him hear it from me "You knew I’d disobey him You knew I’d coht me"

He paused a time I don’t think he’d expected to have to adht be a consequence of your training" He drew back a bit and looked at me, his head tilted "Do you think what you learned froht for a bit What had I learned fro and survival But what had he done to ? Or only drugged and deluded and abused me? I didn’t know but I was certain thatthose questions Best not to even raise theo "Probably what I learned is worth a few scars And as you’ve told me before, a soldier must expect scars from his career" I hoped he would ask no questions when I added, "Father Please Just let hio I wish this to be the end of it I disobeyed him He notched my ear as he said he would Let it end there"

He stared at me, torn between bewilderment and relief "You know I should not do that, son This leaving you next to dead on our doorstep…If we allow a Kidona to do this to the soldier son of a noble family and take no action…well, then we invite other Plainspeople to do the same, to other faiveness He will respect e of his nose as he added wearily, "I should have considered that more deeply before I put you in his power I fear I see what I’ve done too late Idone that, I cannot deny it or step away from it and leave it to others to handle No, son I must know the whole tale, and then Ihis speech, I had begun to scratch gently at the sodden blisters, long burst, on rease and butter treaty bits of skin like a river fish at the end of its reat as it was juvenile I was nudging gently at an itchy patch, not quite scratching it, and thus avoidinghis eyes

"Nevare?" he prompted me after I had let a moment pass

I made the decision I lied to my father I was surprised at how easily the words fell from my lips

"He tookto teacha chaserous, and I refused to perform it I was, perhaps, too outspoken I told him it was stupid, and only a fool would do it He tried to force me; I struck back at him I think I hit him in the face" My father would know that was a mortal insult to a Kidona Dewara’s reaction would now seeh "That’s the last thing I remember until I woke up here"

My father sat very still His silence radiated disappointment in me I did not wish I had told him the truth, but I did wish I had found a better lie I waited for hih The blame for what had happened to me had to fall on either Dewara or myself I took it upon my shoulders not because I felt I deserved it, but because even at that young age, I could see far-reaching repercussions if I did not If Dewara had injured me without serious provocation, my father must be relentless in his pursuit and punishht it on myself, then it would be possible for eful in his hunt I knew, too, the far-reaching i the blame on myself; that others must then wonder why my father did not pursue Dewara implacably There would be a taint of doubt about me; what had I done to the Kidona to deserve such insult and injury? If ht it onthe Kidona in the face, then it became understandable My father would be a bit ashamed of me that I had not ultimately triumphed in a physical battle with the warrior But he could take a bit of fatherly pride in that I’d struck Dewara Belatedly, I wished I could revise my lie for I had said I’d refused to cross a chasm, and that did ed now, so I pushed those thoughts aside I was in pain and weary and often, during hts were not quite my own