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‘Sam did too I’d broken my promise to him too often I just wish it had been us Or that it could be us soon anyway Can we ever get right away together?’

Her eyes clouded with anxiety and Siuilt away from her, knew he could not Ken was no better, not lasses The spaghetti ca in its bowls

‘I love you’

She looked down quickly Picked up her fork ‘Yes’

‘I don’t want it to go on and on like this’

She ate

‘Rachel?’

‘Don’t Leave it I know, I know, but what else can I do? You kno it is’

‘Yes, I kno it is I’ures he recognised pass the , and the door of the restaurant opened on his father and step quickly over to kiss him on the cheek To look across at Rachel She knew about Rachel

Richard, looking buttoned, shook Rachel’s hand, put his fleetingly on his son’s arm

‘Good time with Sam?’

‘Terrific He loved it – snow and all’

‘It’s been absolutely awful here – we decided we’d risk it in ht for those within walking distance of course’

‘Judith, come and join us,’ Rachel said

‘No, we have our own table reserved, on’t intrude’

‘Don’t be ridiculous, Dad – at least have a drink with us’

‘No, you’re halfway through your dinner’ He gave Judith a sharp look Sinored it, joined the This time, she simply nodded and followed him to their table at the other end of the restaurant

‘You didn’t tell me you’d met Judith’

‘No I didn’t, did I?’

He frowned ‘How?’

‘We both go to Eroup So does your sister’

‘Why didn’t you say?’

‘Oh, one reason and another’

‘What reason and another?’

‘This reason,’ Rachel said calmly ‘You see? Because I knew you would make some sort of fuss about it, and really, there is no reason why I shouldn’t go to a book group with members of your family, is there?’

‘There’s every reason’

‘We don’t talk about you, Si We never have Not once’

‘That puts me in my place’

Rachel smiled He pushed back his white-blond hair froesture she had grown to understand He ht out or embarrassed As now

The waiter came to take their boay and offer the dessert menu

Simon waved it away Rachel put out her hand to take it ‘Thank you,’ she said, still s her open and beautiful sAnd coffee And you should take a deep breath and stop sulking And forget your father and step

He relaxed suddenly

‘Better?’ Rachel said

‘I’m sorry’

‘No need No need for any of it actually’ She kept her hand over his as the waiter hovered ‘We’d both like the raspberries and Chantilly crea’

She turned back to Simon He saw in that moment that she loved hi him He understood her, and he knew, too, that he had no excuse at all for not looking after her, protecting her, being loyal to her And loving her in the salance over his shoulder There was so about the way Richard and Judith sat, a little apart, carefully not touching, the slight distance between the down, he was staring straight ahead in the way Siine his father’s expression, haughty, proud, detached, giving away nothing But polite Ever and htly He shook his head

A single large white bowl of raspberries was set down in front of them Two sht a bottle of raspberry liqueur and poured some over the fruit

‘I love her,’ Simon said now ‘And if my father loses her, I swear I will kill hiravely, her violet eyes clouded ‘No,’ she said, ‘no, you won’t and please never say that sort of thing again You of all people’

For a ry No one spoke to him like that except his sister, the only person he would take it froh his mother had sometimes been critical, as had Judith once or twice But their tone was different Rachel spoke in the way Cat did, al childishly He looked at her across the table Her eyes were steady on his, as she ate her pudding quite calht Of course you’re right’

‘It’s so easy "I will kill him", "I wish she were dead", "I hope I don’t live to see it" So easy’

‘And then so happens’

‘Even if it doesn’t Once’ She held her spoon very still and did not look up ‘Onceit had been a really awful dayin all sorts of ways but mainlyoh, Kenneth’s illness andand I wished he would die I didn’t say it but I thought it very clearly "I wish you’d hurry up and die" And I’ve remembered it and felt terrible about it ever since and whenever so is, you never forget what you wish and you never stop feeling guilty andand when eventually it does happen’

On their way out, Simon looked towards Richard and Judith’s table but they were turned away and he did not want the aardness of going over to say goodnight

‘They’ll be fine,’ Rachel said, taking his hand ‘People who coether in this weather are not at loggerheads Trust utter hidden beneath inches of frozen snow She let hih the icy cobbles, under the east arch and into the close, ehostly under the moon