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The second list was by far the easier of the two

He’s a liar, she wrote

And a criminal, of unknown sort

He has eneerous

He’s bedded half the ladies of the ton

Well, that was hyperbole Setting aside all the young girls and elderlyinto account the sheer difficulties of scheduling, and the fact that soarters did it take to span a billiard rooh "half" and inked "one-tenth" in its place as an estiiti that last, but it was an inescapable fact No one in the ton was under any illusions that the man came from royalty But they had never truly accepted Julian into their ranks--they’dto have around If the particulars of Julian’s childhood and social ascendancy were ever ood families If she were linked with him, Lily would be cut as well She would like to have said that didn’t ht, a little Her parents and Leo had been so highly respected She would hate to besood name

Neither could Julian’s history of poverty be overlooked Not because it lowered him in Lily’s estiet it himself

She looked at the list, and even with all those items, it felt far too short She could have listed each instance of deceit, named each of his lovers … In the end, she added one more line:

Untold secrets yet to be revealed Most likely unpleasant

Now she turned her attention to the other colue It wasn’t that she didn’t kno to begin It was un, she doubted she would be able to stop She couldn’t possibly write down every occasion on which he’d h or reconsider her opinions, feel comforted or confident And then there were other sensations, ones too indecent to be penned

I love him, she wrote Because she did With every day that passed, she grewAfter a moment, she added, And I believe he may loveletters, for such a vast, boundless thing But did love balance the ledger? She wasn’t sure Poetry would argue that love conquers all And perhaps it did, at the outset But in the long-ter, Lily knew it didn’t always tally that way

Julian understood love He wasn’t so for acceptance in a woman’s bosom because as a child he’d been denied a mother’s affection No, he knew very hat love hat it could ence, and char women to love him Nevertheless, he’d chosen not to seek that sort of attache instead

Evidently, love hadn’t been enough for Leo, either

Once again, she succumbed to the teh the keys for the slender finger of brass that opened the locked drawer She felt guilty every ti on so so private, and second because of the heartbreak contained within

She withdrew the stack of aging correspondence By now, she was in a fair way of knowing these letters by heart There was one missive that haunted her in particular--the last in the bundle She sers, and her eyes went to a fareat deal of late, and wondering if you can understand how extraordinary they are I doubt any looking glass could faithfully reflect their depth But then, perhaps you can see their true mirror in your sister I can’t say how much her eyes resemble yours, and I don’t suppose I shall ever have the chance to judge Such close inspection would require an introduction, and that will never come to pass

Would she like me, do you think? I know she and I would find at least one thing in co now, and that’s not fair

I’s I said last ti those words, "last time" But it was the last time, wasn’t it? This e sense of honor, so deeply embedded in your soul Excise it somehoill you? Then you can come to me

But then--if you came to me without it, perhaps I would not love you as I do

And I do I do Do not forget

Every tiht tears to her eyes, every blessed time

Her brother had been in love, with someone unsuitable or unattainable, and he’d hidden that love from everyone Even fro,Leo all alone--because her brother hadn’t seen fit to make the introduction Would he have made the same decisions, if he had kno his days would be?

What would he advise Lily to do now?