Page 15 (1/2)

I give the bets on the rumors about athered around Harvey Silver a pyramid of shots Outside, by the pool, I see oers It’s too cold to swim, but a couple of fully clothed people are anyway, their lips blue in the patio lights

"Cassel Sharpe," Audrey says, looping her ared in"

Audrey’s eyes are glassy, her s Harirls from the field hockey teaether

"Just like always," she says, looking back atus"

"That’s not what I’," I say I don’t kno to explain how afraid I aed

"I liked when you were ainst my shoulder, h like tenderness for e to proht, I’ll do theirlfriend?" she asks, her voice gone so soft that it’s mostly breath

"You’re the one who broke it off," I tell her, but my voice has dropped low, and the words co I only care about keeping her here, talking with me She makes me feel like it’s possible to slip out ofis easy and honest

"I’m not over you," she says "I don’t think"

"Oh," I say, and then I lean in and kiss her I don’t think Don’t think I just ainst hers She tastes like tequila It’s an awful kiss, too full of grief and frustration and the knowledge that I a but screw things up worse

She reaches up her hands and touches ers curl against the nape of ainst her lips I slon Better She sighs into ers trace her collarbone, dip into the hollow of her neck I want to kiss her there I want to let ue follow the roadsays "Get off her"

Audrey stu I feel like I’ve coot that we’re at a party

"You’re drunk," Greg tells her, and grabs hold of her upper arers curl into fists I want to shove hiainst the wall I want to break open nal I tellto hurt hih, her face turned away fro

"What are you even doing here?" Greg says "I thought the dean finally figured out that you’re a criminal and kicked you out"

"I didn’t think this was an official school-sponsored event," I say

"Nobody wants you around, working their girlfriends" His s "You and I both know that’s the only way you can get a date"

I think of Maura, and h a tunnel of blackness My fists clench so tightly that I can feel loves I hit hi on the wooden floor My foot is digging into his ribs before Rahul Pathak grabs me around the waist and pulls me away froainst his hold All I want to do is kick Greg again Sorabsstands up, wiping his mouth "I saw your mother’s trial in the paper, Sharpe I know you’re just like her"

"If I was, I wouldto blow me," I sneer

"Get him outside," someone says, and Rahul steers h Several people sitting on chaises rise, like they’re hoping for a fight

I try to pull o, I don’t expect it I drop onto the grass

"What got into you?" Rahul says He’s breathing hard

I look up at the stars "Sorry," I say

The other person holding me turned out to be Kevin Ford He’s short but built A wrestler He’s watching

"Be chill," Rahul says "This isn’t like you, ot that I didn’t belong, that I would never belong That I had char their bookie but that I was never their friend I forgot the delicate foundation my excuse for a social life was built on

Kevin and Rahul walk back to the house Kevin says so, too low for ain No one ever taught ht dots Chaos No pattern at all When I was a kid, I made up a constellation, but I couldn’t find it a second tirass to loo out the chaotic stars For a ht be Audrey It’s Saet up slowly as Saea bush near the kitchenSolad you’re here," Sam says when he’s done, "but I think you better drive h fast-food place and ure it will help him sober up, but he vo lot He washes his mouth out with the rest

I turn on the radio and we sit there listening to it as his sto worked by love Like it’s romantic to be brainwashed

"I used to pretend I was a worker when I was a kid," he says

"Everyone does," I tell him

"Even you?"

"Especially me" I offer him the other cup of coffee It’s ht be ar somewhere He shakes his head

"How does anyone find out they’re a worker? When did you know you weren’t?"

"I’m sure it was the same with you Our parents told us not toMy mom went so far as to tell us that kids who did work before they were grown-up could die fro "Only way it kills you outright is if you’re a very unlucky-with-blowback death worker, and even then it doesn’t matter how old you are ButBarron won stuff by other people losing, you know? And Philip was always doing too well in a fight" I reh when Philip had broken the legs of three guys er than he was The blowback ain I don’t kno she ed it, but no one reported him to the law, either I try to think of an exa comes to mind "Once you find out you’re a worker, you learn secret stuff from other workers I can’t tell you that part because I don’t know it"