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"We followed the tracks it left in our radar," he says, speaking more calmly now, "and they led us to a stretch of isolated, barren land But we’ve scoured the area and found nothing"

"This is so the weakness I feel deep in my bones "I will meet you in the L Room in one hour"

"But sir," he says, eyes trained on my arm, "you’ll need assistance--there’s a process--you’ll require a convalescent aide--"

"You are dismissed"

He hesitates

Then, "Yes, sir"

Two

Iconsciousness

It was e bath, but I feel better nonetheless I have an extre I shower regularly I eat six s and physical exercise And I detest being barefoot

Now, I find ry, tired, and barefoot in my closet This is not ideal

My closet is separated into various sections Shirts, ties, slacks, blazers, and boots Socks, gloves, scarves, and coats Everything is arranged according to color, then shades within each color Every article of clothing it contains is meticulously chosen and custom made to fit the exact measurements of my body I don’t feel like myself until I’in my day

Now I haven’t the faintest idea how I’m supposed to dress myself

My hand shakes as I reach for the little blue bottle I was given this ue and allow them to dissolve I’m not sure what they do; I only know they help replenish the blood I’ve lost So I lean against the wall until er on my feet

This, such an ordinary task It wasn’t an obstacle I was anticipating

I put socks on first; a si a man Briefly, I wonder what the medics must’ve done with my clothes The clothes, I tellonly on the clothes fro else No other details

Boots Socks Slacks Sweater My military jacket with its many buttons

The many buttons she ripped open

It’s a sh to spear ers, and the nore the er be contained I don’t even realize I’ve fallen against the wall until I feel the cold cli ainst the sudden wash of mortification

I knew she was terrified, horrified, even, but I never thought those feelings were directed toward ether; she seemed more comfortable as the weeks passed Happier At ease I allowed myself to believe she’d seen a future for us; that she wanted to be with ht it impossible

I’d never suspected that her newfound happiness was a consequence of Kent

I run th of s I said to her

A tight breath

The way I touched her

My jaw tenses

If it were nothing but sexual attraction I’m sure I would not suffer such unbearable humiliation But I wanted so much more than her body

All at once I i but walls Walls White walls Blocks of concrete Empty rooin to crumble, and then I force another set to take their place I build and build and re untilbut a s

Clean Pristine Undisturbed

I blink back the flood of disaster pressing against the sainst the fear creeping upmore space in the room until I can finally breathe Until I’m able to stand

Sometimes I wish I could step outside of myself for a while I want to leave this worn body behind, but hts too heavy This life is all that’s left of me And I knoon’t be able to meet myself in the usted with et out of this rooainst me I make a hasty decision and for the first ti on a fresh pair of pants and go without a shirt I slip ood arm into the sleeve of a blazer and allow the other shoulder to drape over the sling carrying my injured arm I look ridiculous, exposed like this, but I’ll find a solution toet out of this room

Three

Delalieu is the only person here who does not hate me

He still spends thein fear, but so h I don’t understand it He’s likely the only person in this building who’s pleased that I’m not dead

I hold up a hand to keep away the soldiers who rush forward as I open my door It takes an intense a as I wipe the slight sheen of perspiration off my forehead, but I will not allow myself a moment of weakness These men do not fear for my safety; they only want a closer look at the spectacle I’ve become They want a first look at the cracks in my sanity But I have no wish to be wondered at