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"Stop" My voice shakes I curse my body, curse the " I don’t look at his eyes My gaze is locked on Peter’s chest If I look into his face, I’ll cru It’s just a bunch of words on a piece of paper"

I try to sound as though it’s nothing, as if I write intense poems all the time I pretend that I didn’t just bleed my heart out onto a sheet of loose leaf What the fuck is wrong with me? I pretend I throw on aze, but it feels like there’s an elephant sitting on my head

"That’s not what this is" Peter’s eyes are locked ontoo fast, but every tiets worse

"Hoould you knohat it is or what it isn’t?" I look up at him Mistake His expression, those haunted blue eyes, the curve of his ers twitch bythis conversation with you I don’t have to listen to you pretend to care about ather them into my arms and head toward the door

Just as I’"

His eyes are on my back My spine is so stiff and so brittle There’s tooin a million different directions at once There’s not one weak spot anys like that totoward me Slowly, he takes another step His voice catches in his throat when he speaks "I didn’t ht I wasn’t myself--"

"Neither was I It’s fine"

"But it’s not" Peter’s directly behind me I won’t turn It doesn’t matter what he says I don’t care I don’t care I don’t care "I didn’t know, then I didn’t kno sue I didn’t knohy you were down here, and I had no idea why you sat down at ht over and over again I wonder ould have happened to us if the phone didn’t ring I wonder what it would feel like to hold you again I think things that I shouldn’t I dreas that I shouldn’t and it’s all because of one reason--I do care about you"

I gasp as if someone punchedover I look over my shoulder at him Peter means what he says I see it in his eyes Chills race overat him in shock

Peter taps the wrinkled paper in his hand "Please tell me that this didn’t happen in the last feeeks Tellthat I did"

I stare at his face I stare and drink hi of thirst Shock has rendered s heave in air as I turn to lean back against the door I hit it too hard and ht pushes the door open I start to fall backward Peter reaches for me His hands slip around ht The door clicks shut He doesn’t let go His eyes are locked with azes ht I know you aren’t There’s soaze When he looks up again, he says, "And I can tell"

My lips twitch like they want to spill uts, so I lock my jaw I shake my head and try to pull out of his arms Peter doesn’t allow me to step back "Part of the poem is about you Part of it isn’t" Part of it’s about Peter, and part of it’s about them

I’, but not long enough I can’t breathe I haven’t spoken about that night since it happened

Peter’s eyes re of your poeles--that part is about me?" I nod I hatekisses, clawing hands, the taking without giving…" he’s breathing hard Peter’s lips ain "This is about rape Sidney, if so to you--"

I lean into hi so fast "They’re old wounds," I tell hi It’s what poured onto the paper" I take a deep breath and pull away Peter releasesto do with you or your coffee fros up into a lopsided smile It’s the saddest smile ever Peter’s expression says as er touching I ere After a moment, Peter offersI don’t think I was ht word