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She stared down at it Her first ridiculous thought was that for a girl who'd drea

Johnny wouldn't be happy about this He was nowhere near ready for fatherhood He hadn't even said he loved her yet

She loved hireat for the past few ile, this relationship of theirs, that the balance was tenuous A baby could ruin thee and indicator back in her purse--the extraordinary thinghot shower By the ti off She went to the bed and sat beside hi his hair as he woke up

He smiled up at her, said, "Hey," sleepily

She wanted to say sinant, but the ado in early today The Red Robin account"

He looped a hand around the back of her neck and pulled her down for a kiss When it was over, she meant to ease away "I love you," she whispered

He kissed her again "And that uy in the world"

She said goodbye as if this were just another in the string of ether, and went to work In her office, she sla not to cry

"I'nant," she said to the ad-covered walls

Now, if only she could say it to Johnny She ought to be able to say anything to him, wasn't that how love was supposed to work? God knew she loved hier iine a life without him She loved the routine of their lives, the way they often had breakfast together in the kitchen of his houseboat, standing side by side in front of the sink, or the way they sat in bed at night, snuggled together, watching Arsenio Hall When he kissed her, whether it was a quiet goodnight kiss or a passionate let's-start-soear They talked all the ti; until today, she would have said there were no words she couldn't say to him

For most of the day, she moved forward on autopilot, but so up the phone, she dialed the familiar number and waited impatiently

"Hello?" Tully said

"It'sa crisis"

"I'll be there in twenty," Tully said without hesitation

For the first ti with Tully would help; it always had Fifteen rabbed her purse, and left her office

Outside, the sun was a pale white ball in a washed-out blue sky A few hardy tourists walked up and down Pioneer Square Across the street, the homeless people who lived in Occidental Park lay sprawled out on the cobblestoned ground and the ironwork benches, huddled beneath filthy blankets and old sleeping bags The trees around them were in full bloom

Kate buttoned up her coat just as Tully pulled up in her brand-new metallic-blue Corvette convertible

As always, the car made Kate both shake her head and smile It was so damnedphallic, and yet somehow Tully fit it perfectly Her wool pants and silk blouse were even the same color blue as the car

Kate hurried around to the passenger side and got in

"Where do you want to go?"

"Surprise ot it"

In no tih the don traffic, rocketed over the West Seattle Bridge, and arrived at a restaurant on Alki Beach On this faded spring day the place was e the steely Sound

"Thank God you called," Tully said "This was the week fro to every aruy in Cheney who's built a truck that runs on wood I kid you not He has a stove in the bed that's the size of an aircraft carrier and it takes a half a cord a week I could barely see the dah the black smoke it belched out, and he wanted me to report that he'd discovered the future Too to Lyn-den to interview some Hutterite chick on thirty-two blue ribbons at the fair Yippee Oh, and last week--"

"I'nant"

Tully's?"

"Holy shit" Tully leaned back in her seat, looking stunned "I thought you were on the pill"

"I anant Wow What did Johnny say?"

"I haven't told hi to do?" The question was heavy, weighed down as it was by the unspoken option

"I don't know" Kate looked up,to do"

Tully stared at her for a long tily expressive dark eyes, Kate saw a parade of emotions--disbelief, fear, sadness, worry, and finally, love "You'll be a great mother, Katie"

She felt the start of tears It hat she wanted; now, here, for the first time she dared to admit it to herself That hat a best friend did: hold up a mirror and show you your heart "He's never said he loved me, Tully"

"Oh WellYou know Johnny"

With that, Kate felt the past rear up between the they tried so hard to forget: their shared knowledge of John Ryan "You're like him," she finally said "Hoill he feel when he finds out?"

"Trapped"