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Twenty-two
DEIRDRE THE COUNSELOR must not have had much of a life, because she scheduled our next appoint as it wasn’t just my day off - it was also the day ly showed up
"You’re wrong," I told her as soon as I sat down We hadn’t really addressed the questions from my first session yet We’d spent our last couple of tiht of the field experience
"What about?" she asked She wore a sleeveless floral dress that seemed too cold for a day like today It also bore an eerie rese around the office
"About the guy I don’t just like him because I can’t have him I like him becausewell, because he’s him I’ve proven it to myself"
"Proven it how?"
"It’s a long story," I said evasively I didn’t really want to get into the details of my Adrian compulsion experiment "You just have to trustwe talked about?" she asked "What about your feelings about Lissa?"
"That idea rong too"
"Did you prove it to yourself?"
"No, but it wasn’t the kind of thing I could really test the same way"
"Then how can you be sure?" she asked
"Because I aet
"How have things been with her recently?"
"Recently how?"
"Have you spent a lot of ti?"
"Sure, kind of I don’t see her asout with Christian Acing every test Oh, and she’s practically got Lehigh’s website h?"
I explained the queen’s offer to Deirdre "She won’t even be there until fall, but Lissa’s already looking at all her classes and trying to figure out what she wants to major in"
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"What will you do while she attends classes?"
"I’ll go with her That’s what usually happens if a Moroi has a guardian close to her age They’ll probably enroll me too"
"You’ll take the same classes she does?"
"Yup"
"Are there classes you’d rather take instead?"
"How do I know? She hasn’t even picked the ones she’s going to take, so I don’t know if I want to take theo with her"
"And you don’t have a proble to prickle This was exactly what I hadn’t wanted to talk about "No," I said tightly
I knew Deirdre wanted me to elaborate, but I refused to We held each other’s eyes for a fewthe other to look away Or lanced down at the h a couple of pages I noticed that her nails were perfectly shaped and painted red The polish on mine had started to chip
"Would you rather not talk about Lissa today?" she asked at last
"We can talk about whatever you think is useful"
"What do you think is useful?"
Daain I wondered if one of the certificates on her wall gave her some sort of special qualification to do that
"I think it’d be useful if you stopped talking to me like I’ht to be upset about any of this or pick what classes I want to take I ood would it do? What a to do with those classes? Go be a lawyer or a’s already decided for me"
"And you’re okay with that" It could have been a question, but she said it like a stateed "I’ her safe, and that’s what you keep h her calculus classes? No But I have to because the other part is ers try to block your efforts? No But you have to because the rest of your job is more important"
"Actually," she said unexpectedly, "that’s my favorite part of the job"
I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not, but I decided not to pursue it, particularly since she hadn’t responded with a question I sighed
"I just hate everyone acting like I’uardian"
"Who’s ’everyone’?"
"Well, you and this guy I met at Courtthis dhampir nauy blood whore" Like that wasn’t obvious I waited to see if she’d react to the term, but she didn’t "He made it sound like I was trapped in this life and all that too But I’ood at this I kno to fight, and I kno to defend others Have you ever seen a Strigoi?"
She shook her head
"Well, I have And when I say I want to spend oi are evil and need to be wiped out I’et to be with my best friend in the process, that’s even better"
"I understand that, but what happens if you want other things - things that you can’t have by choosing this lifestyle?"
I crossed ood and bad sides to everything We just have to balance the to try to tell me that life isn’t that way? That if I can’t have everything perfect, then there’s so withback in her chair "I want you to have a wonderful life, but I can’t expect a perfect one No one can But what I think is interesting here is how you respond and cope when you have to reconcile these contradictory pieces of your life - when having one thing oes through that" I felt like I was repeating hosts as a result of it"
It took several heavy seconds forat "So wait You’re saying that the reason I’ Mason is because I secretly resent Lissa for the things I can’t have in h? I thought that was the reason I’ Mason?"
"I think there are a lot of reasons you’re seeing Mason," she said "And that’s e’re exploring"
"And yet," I said, "we never actually talk about Mason"
Deirdre smiled serenely "Don’t we?"
Our session ended
"Does she always answer your questions with questions?" I asked Lissa later I alking with her through the quad, heading toward the co to meet up with the others for aout just by ourselves, and I realized no much I’d missed it
"We don’t see the sahed "It’d be a conflict of interest"
"Well, does yours do that then?"
"Not that I’ve really noticed I take it yours does?"
"Yeahit’s actually pretty a to watch"
"Who knew the day would co notes on therapy?"
We both laughed at that SeveralShe wanted to tellI already knew Before she could say anything, though, someone joined us Dean Barnes
"Hey, Rose A bunch of us are trying to figure out why you’re on half-time"
Great I’d known somebody would ask about that sooner or later And honestly, I was kind of surprised it hadn’t happened already Everyone had been too busy with their own field experiences to give it ht until now I had an excuse ready
"I’ve been sick Dr Olendzki didn’t want ering a little "I thought they were always talking about how in the real world, you don’t get sick days Or so like that"
"Well, this isn’t the real world, and Dr Olendzki’s word is final"
"I heard it was because you’re a threat to Christian"
"No, believeoff of hie the subject "Have you been drinking?"
"Yeah, Shane got some stuff and had a few of us up in his room Hey"
"Hey what?" I asked
"Don’t look at me like that"
"Like what?"
"Like you disapprove"