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Twenty-one

I COULD HARDLY WAIT forout with her and the others after school It should have been fun, but the ed by I was too restless When curfew came around, I split off from them ran back to my dorm I asked the woman at the front desk if she could call up to Dimitri’s rooent" question for him She had just picked up the phone when Celeste walked past

"He’s not there," she told e bruise on the side of her face Sootten the better of her - so to the chapel You’ll have to see him tomorrow - you can’t be there and back before curfew comes"

I noddedInstead, as soon as she was out of sight, I headed back outside again and ran to the chapel She was right I wasn’t going to ot back without getting in trouble

The chapel’s doors were unlocked when I reached theold orna But, when I stepped inside the sanctuary, he wasn’t there Dimitri was, however

He sat in the last pew He wasn’t praying or kneeling or anything He just sat there, looking quite relaxed Although he wasn’t a practicing member of the church, he’d told ave him a chance to think about his life and the deeds he’d done

I always thought he looked good, but just then, so about him nearly made round, all the polished wood and colorful icons of saints Maybe it was just the way the candlelight shone on his dark hair Maybe it was just because he looked unguarded, alebut even he needed the occasional low in my eyes, kind of in the way Lissa always did His normal tension returned when he heardokay?" He started to stand, and I motioned him down as I slid into the spot beside hiered in the air

"Yeahwell, kind of No breakdowns, if that’s what you’re worried about I just had a question Or, well, a theory"

I explained the conversation with Alice and what I’d deduced frohtful

"I know Alice I’m not sure she’s credible," he said when I finished It was similar to what he’d said about Victor

"I know I thought the sa But a lot of it makes sense"

"Not quite As you pointed out, why are your visions so irregular here? That doesn’t go along with the ward theory You should feel like you did on the plane"

"What if the wards are just weak?" I asked

He shook his head "That’s impossible Wards take months to wear down New ones are put in place here every teeks"

"That often?" I asked, unable to hide my disappointment I’d known maintenance was frequent but not that frequent Alice’s theory had almost provided a sound explanation, one that didn’t involvestaked," I suggested "By hu - likebefore"

"Guardians walk the grounds a few times a day If there was a stake in the borders of cahed

Dimitri moved his hand over h, and as he did so frequently, guessed ht, it would explain everything"

I nodded "I don’t want to be crazy"

"You aren’t crazy"

"But you don’t believe I’lanced away, his eyes staring at the flickering of candles on the altar "I don’t know I’ stressed isn’t the sa crazy"

"I know," I admitted, still very conscious of hoars like that in a church "But well there’s so else"

I told hi" Vladimir’s insanity I also explained Adrian’s aura observations He turned his gaze back on me, expression speculative

"Have you told anyone else about this? Lissa? Your counselor?"

"No," I said in a small voice, unable to meet his eyes "I was afraid of what they’d think"

He squeezed my hand "You have to stop this You aren’t afraid of throwing yourself in the path of danger, but you’re terrified of letting anyone in"

"I I don’t know," I said, looking up at hiuess"

"Then why’d you tell me?"

I smiled "Because you told me I should trust people I trust you"

"You don’t trust Lissa?"

My smile faltered "I trust her, absolutely But I don’t want to tell her things that’llher, just like keeping Strigoi away"

"She’s stronger than you think," he said "And she would go out of her way to help you"

"So what? You want me to confide in her and not you?"

"No, I want you to confide in both of us I think it’d be good for you Does what happened to Anna bother you?"

"No" I looked away again "It scares me"

I think the admission stunned both of us I certainly hadn’t expected to say it We both froze for a moment, and then Dimitri wrapped his arms around me and pulled ainst the leather of his coat and heard the steady beating of his heart

"I don’t want to be like that," I told him "I want to be like everyone else I want my mind to benormal Normal by Rose standards, I mean I don’t want to lose control I don’t want to be like Anna and killalive I’d die to save my friends, but I hope it doesn’t happen I hope we all live long, happy lives Like Lissa said - one big happy family There’s so much I want to do, but I’m so scaredscared that I’ll be like her I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop it"

He heldto happen," he murmured "You’re wild and impulsive, but at the end of the day, you’re one of the strongest people I know Even if you are the same as Anna - and I don’t think you are - you ton’t share the same fate"

It was funny I’d often told Lissa the sa about her and Vladi it, and now I understood Giving advice was a lot harder than following it

"You’re alsoa hand over ic, then at least you understand why She can stop using her ic, and that’ll be the end of it"

I pulled away slightly so I could look at him Hastily, I ran my hand over my eyes in case any tears had escaped

"But can I ask her to do that?" I said "I’ve felt how it makes her feel I don’t know if I can take that away froarded me with surprise "Even at the cost of your own life?"

"Vladis - so could she Besides, they coht?"

"Not always"

I stared I’d had they come first drilled into uardians believed Only the dhampirs who’d run away from their duty didn’t subscribe to that What he said was almost like treason

"Sometimes, Rose, you have to knohen to put yourself first"

I shook ht as well have been with Deirdre or A that I’d held as absolute truth my entire life?

"She’s your friend She’ll understand" To ed at the chotki peeking out underneathmy wrist

"It’s , this proves it I’omirs, at all costs"

"I know, but " He didn’t finish, and honestly, what could he have said? This was becouet back," I said abruptly "It’s past curfew"

A wry set you back or you’ll get in trouble"

"Well, yeah, I was kind of hoping"

We heard so near the door of the sanctuary, and Father Andrealked in, which definitely ended our session He was getting ready to shut down the chapel Dimitri thanked him, and then the two of us headed back to the dha the way, but it was a comfortable silence It eird, but since his outburst outside thehad intensified between us, as iot me past the woman at the front desk, and just as I was about to head off for uardian named Yuri walked by Di with security, haven’t you? When was the last time they laid neards?"

Yuri considered "A couple days ago Why?"

Diful look "Just curious"

I nodded to Dimitri to show that I understood his point, and then I went off to bed

After that, the next week or so played out in a repetitive pattern I followed Christian for three days a week, hadthose times, I could see the concern on Dimitri’s face He always asked hoas but didn’t pushI didn’t want to Mostly, it was all physical training, which I liked since it didn’t require too

Best of all, I didn’t see Mason during this time

I also didn’t witness any attacks - of either the Man? type or the guardian type

We were in full throes of the field experience, and every other novice in rew intricate and more difficult, and everyone had to stay on their toes Eddie seeuardian playing Strigoi - but it never happened when I was around In fact, no attacks at all happened to anyone when I was around After a while, I began to get the idea They were going soft on me They orried I couldn’t handle it

"They ht as well have cut ru"

"Yeah, but if you still pass, orry about it? I ht every day?" He then rolled his eyes "Never mind Of course you do"

"You don’t understand," I told hi the easy way out I want to prove what I can do - to theh practice I mean, Lissa’s life is at stake" And also possibly ht decide to replace ht I was nuts

It was nearly curfew tiht He shook his head "Rose, I don’t know if you’re crazy or not, but I’uardian - or soon-to-be guardian - out there"