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11 Being the Chronicles of Abby Normal, Pathetic Failure to All Creatures Great and Sirlfriend, and a huy 102, which I a to class twice

The Countess has been gone for like a week, and no one has seen her or the va for them, mainly when I’m supposed to be at school I don’t even knohere to look I kind of walk around asking people if they’ve seen a totally hawt redhead and they either hurry away really fast or, in the case of one guy, who I suspect was a pi her to him if I found her Then he offered o for that skinny Lolita shit"

And I was all, "Oh, that’s very flattering, sir Thank you Once I findher back and we’ll both be happy to service the disgusting choads of creepy strangers and hand you all of our ht have left"

And he was all, "You do that, little momma You do that"

Which is just another reason that I need to find the Countess and beg her forgiveness, because my new phone has video and I can’t wait to post a clip onbloody pimp parts all over the Tenderloin (The Countess has lecturednity to ahottie and has a job, so I think there will at least be broken bones and a beating of e of hookers and homeless people in the City, it was on the Chronicle’s Web site They reported it like it was a good thing, VICE ARRESTS DOWN or so plenty of room for the first time, ever OMFG! They’re kitty treats, you douche nozzles! That’s why I refused to be on the school paper Journalists are oblivious to the obvious and they won’t even let you say fuck

’Kayso, when I finally got back to the love lair, the ere all boarded up with plywood and Foo and Jared had like alphabetized all of the rats and had them stacked up and labeled and whatnot So, I, like, ran into Foo’s ar time, then I looked around and I was all:

"They’re dead Our loft is full of dead rats"

And Jared is all, "Not dead Undead"

So to Foo I’m all, "’Splain, s’il vous plaît"

And Foo’s like, "It’s a, Abby You just have to inject them with a little vampyre blood and it turns theure that out"

"So you killed all these rats?"

"I did," goes Jared "It made me sad, but I’m okay with it now Science"

"How?"

And Foo says, "Potassium chloride"

At the exact saets all big scared anime eyes and is like, "Yeah, potassium chloride That’s what Iand va rats while the Countess and To cat flyers, and like Chet and hisall the homeless and probably the hookers?"

And they were like, "Well-yeah"

"And I had to work and go to class," says Foo "And polish my car"

And Jared’s all, "And we’ve been ht jackets for those two cops, which takes like a million little wires" And he, like, points to our coffee table, which is the only surface that doesn’t have cages full of dead rats, and there’s not even jackets there, just, like, jacket-shaped nets of ith little glass beads all over them

And I’erie"

And Jared is all, "Tr��s cool, non?"

"No!" I go "And do not further endorken the French language by wrapping your disgusting penis port around it You’ll ruin the whole language before I even learn enough to express my deep despair and dark desires en français, you rat smasher"

’Kay, I know that was a little harsh, but I was angry, and ina little when I said "dark desires," so I said it with love

Foo’s all, "We didn’t have tiet jackets They need to be leather and they’re expensive"

So it’s clear that despite his mad ninja science skills, even my beloved Foo cannot be left without fe home lately, and his parents are a bad influence on hio see Lily"

Lily is my backup BFF She used to be my BFF, but at the saot a book in the mail at her work, which is Asher’s Secondhand, and it convinced her that she is Death, so I’m all, "Whatever, ho"

And she was all, "Free to live htmare, skank"

So ere cool

’Kayso, I took the 45 bus froh Chinatown sort of creeps rand about lo chars for which I should someday seek treatment, or, like, snacks

’Kayso, at Asher’s, Lily co kiss on my forehead (because she is taller than e)

And I’ violet lip print on oes, "Kiss of Death-get used to it, beyotch-matches your hair tips, tr��s cute"

So I’m all, "’Kay" It wasn’t really the kiss of Death, but it did match my tips Then I was all, "Lils, I need ave her the note Foo wrote out with the sizes and cut and whatnot

And she was all, "WTF, Abs? Fifty long? You buying a jacket for an orca?"

"Ginorot it?"

"Yeah You wanna smoke a clove?"

And I’ is, like, the worst for your lipstick and it did match my hair