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Graduation

Spring started stretching out into longer, warmer and sunnier days, a hint at the proized the student body, creating havoc for the teachers, who had the difficult job of trying to wrangle all that energy I felt both an eagerness and a resistance for suet away fronments, tests and hoe Sawyer and I had applied together to different colleges and universities We&039;d both received acceptance to Oregon State, so we&039;d decided to go there It really was a no brainer forto do the long distance relationship thing, because I wasn&039;t letting her get more than a few yards from me, a mile at thethat they&039;d invested in an education fund since she was a baby Even though times had been hard for their fa andto steal Sawyer&039;s chance at a prootten jobs in the s were really starting to look better for the Sle mom, my mom hadn&039;t been able to plan for my education quite like that, but Coach had some influence with the coach there (who apparently was his brother-in-law or so) and I was allowed to try out for the football teah I hadn&039;t played at all this year, I did well enough, that I was offered a partial scholarship and a position on the teaht that wasn&039;t too shabby for a fresha to be dating a college football jock I laughed and told her she already had the prerequisite boyfriend&039;s letterh school one I jokingly told her I&039;d get her an Oregon State one, with e letters across the back

She&039;d started ticklingher One thing led to another, and by the end of our play fight, we had collapsed inand bodies spentand deliriously happy She&039;d finally conceded that dating a college quarterback

Those were all the things I was looking forward to What hadanniversary ofTheir deaths had happened not long after school ended last year Because of the differences in days off and a couple school closures in January, the anniversary was going to fall exactly on graduation night It sort of felt symbolic and appropriateand it sort of sucked

The circle of close friends that I&039;d ed to surroundand supportive of what the upco after going to a Safe and Sound club dance together, had been especially sympathetic In a way, it was just as hard for them, my friends weren&039;t only my friends after all, but I don&039;t think they fully understood my apprehension

It had been months since I&039;d seen any sort of vision of my friends The dreaoodbye tovisions of ether: Darren and I at the river, Saames while Darren napped on my couch, and Lillian There were so many memories of her, that for awhile, they&039;d nearly assaulted h the painful ones and I struggled through the happy ones A part ofthis town for that very reason The h soed towns, there&039;d be nothing to remind me of them I&039;d lose that too ButI suppose that was just a part of letting go

And I wouldn&039;t have to give up every reh, Josh had called , blubbery mess, and I&039;d rushed over to his house to check on him I&039;d actually drivena lot about hoorried I was for hi Sawyer&039;s car that day, it was still soenerally tried to avoid being behind the wheel

But Josh had neededin the house again had hurt and I had a sudden appreciation of just how hard it was for Josh Everything in there was the same - every picture frame, every childhood keepsake, and every accolade Darren had ever won It was all in the same spot they&039;d been in while he was alive And his rooht across from Josh&039;s, was exactly the same, nearly a shrine of his life It had even still smelled like Darren when I entered the roo on the floor

We&039;d talked for hours It had been the most he&039;d said to me since Darren had died He confessed how much he&039;d hated me, simply because he&039;d needed someone to hate It hurt too much to miss Darren with no one but fate to blame He hadn&039;t understood that at the tiotten behind the wheel drunk, with friends who&039;d been reluctant to joinwhen he&039;d talked to her at his brother&039;s funeral I cringed that she&039;d taken that painful ainst me She really was a manipulative, vindictive little bitch He&039;d told me that he&039;d heard about the sheriff andto soured Brittany&039;s story of witnessingat the party was true, andthem all

I assured him it wasn&039;t like that and he said he knew that now That Mrs Ryans was helping hier and using the swirling gossip to fuel it But it was all just a distraction, so he wouldn&039;t have to deal Now that he had to deal, he was struggling with it

I told hiled too, but we could lean on each other He&039;d agreed and we&039;d started ht me comfort that I could maybe mend the rift between Darren&039;s family and myself His parents were still distant fro, but I felt like I could sohtened er and resistant to see o A part of her didn&039;t want to let her baby out of her sight, especially with the tumultuous last year that I&039;d had I think it was only the fact that I was leaving with Sawyer that made her okay with it Those two had bonded in a way that almost overshadowed how my mom had bonded with Lillian Sawyer saved odsend to iddy forto o, his wife&039;s health had taken a turn for the worst He had stayed with her at the hospital, right up until the very end, offering the friendly coe had afforded them It was bittersweet for et to have the relationship she&039;d wanted with him for years, but at a heavy price

The sheriff had been understandably sad after his wife&039;s passing, plagued with guilt and re joy that he could ht as we sat together onthat conversation, he confessed that he&039;d decided to not charge ht, partly because ofhiiven me a hard, steely look

"But more than that, LucasI didn&039;t want to punish you farther" He looked away from me and his voice softened "When I told you at the hospital that they were gonewhen you coe you with anything"

My mouth had dropped open at that and I&039;d tried to respond with so coherent, but couldn&039;t He looked back atface and then nodded, a small smile on his lips "So, don&039;t blahed heavily and dropped his head "There was nothing I could legally do, to punish you any more viciously than how you&039;d already been punished" He looked up and I sed and nodded His brow furrowed and he twisted his lips "I&039;m sorry if that decision caused you more problems I understand that soet in trouble?"

I hung hed "Yeahsome"

His hand came up toman ould probably be my stepfather one day "I as better for you I guess I didn&039;t"

I stared at hi "You did help I don&039;t think I could have dealt with anythinged "So, thank you"

He nodded, his eyes just slightly wetter than usual With a chuckle, he slung his ar Myto start bawling right on the spot She had desperately wanted her boys to be friends and couldn&039;t beit start to happen

And it was, in a way Being around hier I spent with hi over those painful ones I&039;d never forget ht, but I felt positive thatwith hi a ball in the backyard, and all of us laughing together over the antics of the local town crazy, who had wandered down lad to not have turned into that sort of nut job), ether, a happy one even

So with exciteraduate fro down the halls on my last official day there, I couldn&039;t help the tears that sprang toas I went about my last day, but it did affect me I was tied to this school in a more emotional way than I&039;d realized onpart of the friendships and loves that I&039;d forht?" Sawyer asked as she reached down and clasped ether, as she preferred Her hair was pulled into adorably cute pigtails, the saether

I smiled softly at her question as alked to the cafeteria, on our way to have lunch with Randy and Sally, ere giving each other light pecks of affection as they walked in front of us I watched the large linebacker and the pluirl who&039;d stolen his heart and my smile widened Life could certainly surprise you soether at the beginning of the year Looking down at the gray-eyed angel gazing up at hts I&039;d never have believed on that first day, that I could feel the way I did when I looked at her, when I s that strong were even possible, outside of sappy ro down to brush her lips with ainst her mouth "I&039;m wonderful" My free hand reached up to stroke one of the long tails of her hair and I had a brief &039;school girl&039; fantasy flash through my head as I pulled away My sh as she searched hed contently and shook my head at her boundless concern

My eyes flicked over the loud, boisterous cafeteria as we entered it Some of the students looked up when I entered, some smiled and shot me a wave So to their conversations Joshto splurge on our last day with souely reseave uirlfriend he always see on their midday meals had spilled out into the warm air of the sunny, near-su a vacant spot under a shady tree Even though Sawyer and I were dressed in typical su-sleeved, and she still played with those sleeves on occasion, stretching out the fabric with her habit I knehy she dressed that way, and as we held hands while sitting in the grass, my thumb came up to sweep the scar at her wrist She didn&039;t flinch anymore when I did that, co her body Besides, I think she understood that I did that as a silent thanks to the Heavens for keeping her herefor s and memories oftheet a moment that I&039;d spent here with them I felt a chin rest on aze down at Sawyer sitting close by my side

"You sure you&039;re okay? You seem a littledown" She kissed my shoulder and then rested her cheek upon it

I kissed her forehead and allowed "

She lifted her head and held h about her to know that a trace of sadness was there, buried deep under the surface She knew that what she and I had, ay beyond what Lil and I had ever shared together, but she also knew that Lil would never leave my heart Unlike an ex that I had simply drifted apart from, Lil had died, and in the middle of our love affair And a part of me, a miniscule part of ain and shook ain "All of the theood"

Her hand came up to touch my cheek and I looked back at her I blinked when I realized my vision atery and I couldn&039;t see her clearly Great Guess I was going to start crying today She brushed one tear that had aze softened as she watched the ehtful for a moment "Do you want to talk about it?" Her eyes swept over the ca to mine "It will help you to remember, if you say it out loud"

I sher every moment I remembered with them I was a little surprised at how easy it was to talk about theht me to open up, and nobody on this earthup to her was particularly easy, especially now that ere so close

Soain, but with no , luckily Sohs Sawyer held my hand and listened with rapt attention while I told her stories about people she&039;d never gotten the chance to meet It made me a little sad that she never had; she would have loved my friends But thenif she had, our relationship would be completely different

Eventually Randy and Sally interjected with so tales of h other people&039;s eyes Eventually after that, a s their recollections More tears sprang to my eyes as I listened to others share theirhow deeply my friends were missed, and not just by otten

As the sroup therapy session, widened and the stories grewI er, but he shook his head and stayed where he was, yards away fro them

I understood Even in the roup, a part of me felt alone and sad A part of me wanted to pull away and retreat into ood, so I stayed I stayed and listened and even contributed with stories ofoff to class and it was just Sawyer and I, enjoying our free period in the sun, I felt like the memories were molded and encased in plaster - never to escape , Sawyer came to my house, all decked out in a beautiful lavender dress Her super black hair had the front layers pulled back into a siant neck As I told her she looked aers sliding easily along her contours, my head rewound itself to our last encounter, and the sounds she&039;d made when my lips had traveled over that sue had swept tiny circles along the artery of that sliht hts were apparent on my face Either that, or she liked the black slacks and the crisp, dark blue shirt that I earing (cohts of her own I hoped her thoughts were in line withdown my chest as well, as she looked over my more orderly than usual, styled hair She bit her lip and brought her attention to ht back at her "You look great," she whispered

I s raduation cere we hadI could rip her clothes off right here Well,sex on a regular basis, I foundit all the time Luckily, Sawyer had an appetite thatDarren and Saed over hto her, to the curves of her body, en of roaned

She reached up to kiss me, a playful smile on her lips and lust clear in her eyes "I e had ain ether, still standing just a few feet from the front door She hadn&039;t made it very far before our hormones had taken over

I started to back her into that door, not asped as I pressed against her, and I feltharder My lips traveled down to her neck, back to that artery, where her heart was racing again "You are driving roaned after I said that and her hands ran down to roaned and started to run through places in o and my mom wouldn&039;t interrupt us

"Lucasis that Sawyer? Are you guys ready?"

"God, yes" I heardand I toreas well now As we stepped away from each other, I tossed an answer to my mom&039;s creepily well-timed question overainst the door, still laughing, her cheeks flushed frohed, knowing I had to wait for that wonderful connection My se again?"

She giggled ether we headed over to the couch so my body could calm down a bit before my mom stepped into the room I looked over at her as we sat "Needless to sayI really like your dress"

She rolled her eyes and laughed again "I should have remembered that dresses are your Achilles&039; heel"

She raised an eyebrow at that and I saze went to the space above the television set The wall there had been e up pictures of Sawyer and st the random everyday shots, was the picture that had been taken of us at the winter dance In it, Saas gazing up at ht back down at her Even fro between us was unht when he&039;d assured ht beside that picture, was one that had been taken a feeeks ago at Senior Proone behind her dad&039;s back and splurged on a -sleeved dress It had been low cut with a high slit up one leg In a ht-black shade that had beautifully own had also showed off every curve of her body Mine had really liked that We&039;d barely h half of that dance before our overly aroused bodies had needed a change of locale Saas rightI did have a thing for her in sexy dresses

We were both chuckling about it whena sue flowers printed on it She had left her hair down, curling it into large waves that nearly hid the gray streaks With a bea s hands on the couch, I thought she looked half her age I s event tonight