Page 17 (1/2)

D-Day

I&039;m frustrated No, I think I left frustrated behindpast that, into deeply, chronically agitated I&039;d been having more and more frequent drea like I&039;d planned, or ever even i, s, I&039;d awoken with a start from a dream with her It had been an intense one, much like several other drea with desire, and she&039;d toldI&039;d told her I loved her too and wanted her desperately She&039;d said "yes" andup perfectly

That hen I woke up That hen I aloke up We&039;d yet to make it past this point

I smacked the pillow beside me hard and cursed the fact that I couldn&039;t control the drea up right at the criticalto irritate me beyond belief I wanted to be with herwhy couldn&039;t I be with her?

I got up, showered, shaved and got dressed for my day It was Friday It was the Friday - dance day D-day I knehat school was going to be like today It would be a heightened version of what this entire week had been With the upco promise of a break froirls) and possibly deviant (for the guys) night coized

There had been a constant chatter around classes I tuned outwith? What are you wearing? Do you think he&039;ll kiss me? Do you think she&039;ll put out? Pretty standard pre-dance conversations I kept my head down and pushed it all out Especially when I heard my own nanore, but it still seeped in: Lucas will be there, think he&039;ll be sober? Think he&039;ll spike the punch? Will Sawyer really stop hi drunk? Does Sawyer drink too? Should she drink while she&039;s pregnant?

Yeah, there were still pregnancy ru around about us That would be a prettyabout ht ure out why the drea away from me I&039;d never lost them so consistently in the same place before It was like she had on an ethereal chastity belt and I wasn&039;t being allowed to cross it I didn&039;t even have anyone I could talk to about it My mom? God, no No way Sawyer? I only think that conversation would hurt her feelings and make me horribly uncomfortable My counselor? No, she didn&039;t need any more ammo She was already firmly on the "live your life" soapbox, her and Darren both

I sighed androom I couldn&039;t even talk to ainst it happening in the first place He thinks it would hurt me more I don&039;t see how that&039;s possible What could hurt worse than the aching loneliness I struggled through every day? Honestly, I thinklove to Lil would be the best moment of my life

I tried to push out how sad that statement actually was as I walked into the kitchen A full pot of hot coffeeSee you later tonight at the diner Can&039;t wait to see Sawyer all dressed up! Love, Mo a typicalSawyer and I all dressed up like miniature adults Sawyer had come by last weekend and tried on a few of Mom&039;s dresses She&039;d been reluctant at first, not even wanting to put a few on, but eventually she warant looking ones Moot rid of her party clothes Many of them she&039;d had since before I was born, but she reasoned that eventually, she may have some reason to wear them and nice dresses were expensive As I&039;d watched Sawyer twirl around ht my mom was pretty smart

I sipped my coffee in silence and spaced out as I stared out the aiting for Sawyer to co policy had beenokay We didn&039;t hold hands any an arm around the other Honestly, I missed the contact, but it wasn&039;t fair to either her or Lil to keep up with thewell, I guess flirting really

Not that we&039;d been perfect Occasionally we slipped Once, while watching aher more than the movie), my hand had acted on its own and reached over the half-cushion between us to grab her fingers I hadn&039;t meant to do that, but once she&039;d turned and sether, I hadn&039;t been able to pull aithout offending her and we&039;d spent the remainder of the movie that way

Then there were the occasional moments where I just needed her to touchcaress - bad memories, bad dreams, bad encounters with used-to-be friends or,sessions Well, maybe not necessarily bad, buthard Wounds and scabs were being lifted and scoured, and I hated it I hated going and hated speaking, yet foundmore and more every session And Mrs Ryans&039; favorite subjectwas Lillian and ht into our relationship daily

Seeing Sawyer&039;s car in the driveway pulledand coat and made my way out to Sawyer She bea, Lucas"

I grinned at her happy face, her ht hair pulled back into an adorable ponytail, showcasing her perfect cheekbones, highlighted in a rosy pink frorin was because she was picturing tonight As I returned her greeting and we pulled out ofshe&039;d endured lately orth it I&039;d only caught a few glih to boil my blood and make me worry for her But she&039;d brushed off Brittany and her group of tor to have fun

As I watched the school looan to wonder I pushed aside the dread in le beside me and nearly bounce out of the car once we&039;d stopped She waited for me at the hood and a true smile spread across my face as I joined her We would have funsomehow

The buzz around school was just what I&039;d expected The students were so into the upconored Aside froestive look froh my day pretty much une fight I&039;d heard hiht have had soht the words, "why don&039;t you take your whore to the dance?" before she&039;d stormed off and he&039;d chased after her I suspected that ht with his hands on soain

Mrs Ryans had poked and prodded in our session, but she&039;d held back in places she didn&039;t usually hold back, al e We&039;d talked a lot about the dance and about what it meant for me to sort of reenter society I confessed my fear about the whole matter and she assured ain encouraged me to continue to see her afterwinter break, if I needed to talk to anyone She&039;d even handed me her business card with her cell phone number written on the back Maybe that hat had opened me up Maybe that&039;s what hadways:

"Do you think life everat the sharp, right angle of her desk when I&039;d asked that and at the silence that greetedat me with an odd expression, hopeful, yet sad as well Finally she nodded her head and quietly told hed and looked down at the pencil in her hands before ain "Some people live who shouldn&039;tand even aveabout the sentence nagged atat a hard to reach corner of ain Her bubbly excitehts ofthat she&039;d see me in a few hours, she dropped me off at home

And so, before I knew it, ht It was an even bigger deal for ht I&039;d actually left the house in a really long ti tolittle flip-flops I pushed asideready, I sat and waited for the time to pass by It took awhile, which the clock on the wall ticking o second, re for Sawyer to pick me It felt odd for two very different reasons One, it felt like I had rewound to this ain, and the fact that we actually were going back to the school wasn&039;t helping there Second, it felt odd that I wasn&039;t driving to pick her up Not that I wanted to drive, not that that was even a possibility - I don&039;t think I could even gather the courage to start a car, but still, it was the sort of event where a guy should really be doing the picking up

The one bonus of her coet me, I suppose, was that I didn&039;t have to face the wrath of her father Maybe wrath is too strong of a word, but she did tell ether Sawyer had had to all but pros for me She hadn&039;t exactly put it like that when she eotten Itabout it and I wasn&039;t sure why Maybe because we&039;d finally be breaking our no-contact rule tonight Breaking it repeatedly We&039;d be close, really closeall night

I wiped e box, tossing the clear plastic back and forth inback and forth I really shouldn&039;t be nervous about holding her all night It&039;s not like anything was going to happen I&039;d even finally had that conversation with Lillian, to assure her that ere just going as friends and it didn&039;tShe&039;d looked away froized that she couldn&039;t be there with me I&039;d held her and kissed her, and told her she ith me everywhere I went She&039;d looked at me sadly and told me I shouldn&039;t be with her, told iveridiculous, and kissed her with as much ferocity as I could s That ere doing wasn&039;t right, and that I shouldn&039;t be saving ht in front of me I hated when she said that I hated that even after pouring our hearts out to each other, she still wanted s I wished she&039;d understand that I never would

Lights splashed along the kitchenand I looked up from the table to see Sawyer&039;s car in the drive I exhaled slowly and stood while I watched her car shut off and her dooing to coet oing the ware box and opened the door for Sawyer I held ht of her She lookedlike a goddess She earing -sleeved party dress I&039;m not sure what , nearly draping onto the floor, but not quite reaching it thanks to dark blue, open toed high heels that she&039;d also borrowed The dress flared slightly aroundwell above her knee, well above the school&039;s policy on short skirt lengths I hoped they&039;d overlook it, since it was technically a dress It hinted at a pair of very shapely legs above the opening and highlighted the very shapely calves when her movements offered a peek

But that really wasn&039;t whatto every curve of her, and I couldn&039;t help but notice so her loose t-shirts and worn jeans had hidden quite well Sawyerhad a really nice body I felt ed my initial description - the dress wasn&039;t just a touch sexy, it was the sexiest thing I&039;d ever seen I tried really hard to forget it was reat (understatehed and bit her lip, eyeing reat too I knew I came nowhere near her perfection, ith hter shade of blue dress shirt, that complimented her dark shade We&039;d opted for no tie, thank God, and I had on basic black dress shoes Honestly, I could have been going to church and not a seht wasup withawith ht touch Great And we hadn&039;t even started dancing yet Maybe having her borrow entleallantly offered her my arm and walked her over to the driver&039;s side of the car She laughed delightfully as I helped her sit down The slit of her dress fell open and I could see a sh before she adjusted it My body really liked that Feeling like a ot in with a frown onthe wheel in her beautiful dress, her thuhts It really wasn&039;t very gentlemanly to let her drive I really should

"Lucas, you okay?" she asked

I snapped out ofto squeeze at the very idea of switching places, and threw on a sood date" I blushed a bit at calling , to cover my momentary embarrassment

She looked at herself behind the wheel and nodded "Oh, do you wantto drive?"

I felt all the blood rush fro it was one thing, having it presented to you as a viable option, quite another I felt my stomach lurch and I heard my heart pound so hard, I was sure she could hear it too in the quiet space Her eyebrows shot up and her hands went tomy head no, which I hadn&039;t even realized I&039;d been doing I was breathing heavier as I stared at her intently

She slowly brought, concerned, friendly anda little , thick, black rayness seeainst her hands, gently releasing the hoarm her touch had made my skin

"I&039;ged, feeling stupid

She sain "Okaysorry for asking That was stupid"

I looked down, shaking my head "Noit&039;s okay" I noticed the box in rabbed her wrist and slipped the flowers on She stiffened when I first touched her, but s She adhed and gave hthely black hair instead It had been meticulously curled and pinned into place so thather slender neck, but a few long pieces were left free, and dangled down to tickle the holloeen her shoulder and her collar bone in a nearly intiain and forcedto be a really long night

She started the car and we pulled away, heading for the diner My mom was overly excited to see us and had offered us a free , and Sawyer had had no interest in reed

We pulled up to the diner a few e , talking to a silver haired h and lean over closer to hinized thewith the sheriff

I sighed, not relishing eating while he was there Painful meht Tonight was for Sawyer and thisto letfor either of theo somewhere else if you want Back to your place?"

I looked over at her; the perfect heart shape arch of her lip was painted in a pleasing shade of pinkish-red "No, this is fine I just wasn&039;t expecting" I shookto see you anyway" I tucked a stray piece of hair away fro it behind her ear My eyes swept over her face as my thumb absentmindedly stroked her cheek "You won&039;t disappoint her either You&039;re beautiful," I whispered

Oh rip I i her face and cracked open ht

I told her to stay where she was before I slid out oflike a moron, I skipped over to her side, to let her out of the car It was old-fashioned and odd, since she had driven, but it e srasped it, lacing our fingers as she stood up I hadn&039;t stepped back when I pulled her fro closerthanthis when she stood up My heart started racing as that velvet encased body pressed against me With a content s between allant anymore and stared blatantly at her stained lips

She leaned forward and I instinctively leaned down "Luc," she whispered

"Yes," I said breathily