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Isolation

The first week of est in my life Not that I missed school or the majority of the student body, I didn&039;t No, I definitely didn&039;t lares And I definitely didn&039;ttheir best to make every second there a , what made loneliness seep into every part of me, was the fact that I ed for daily After we&039;d parted ways that Saturday afternoon, she&039;d gone on with her life and I&039;d gone on with mine The first part of my punishment went by without even a word fro else the school could have dreamed up for me

I tried to believe that that was because of her overprotective parents and not the couple of aard moments we&039;d had recently I tried to believe that, but I wasn&039;t one hundred percent sure And I had no real way of keeping in contact with her She didn&039;t own a cell phone and I wasn&039;t about to get her in trouble by calling her home phone, not if her parents did have an issue with me, which, if they&039;d heard even just half of the ru around, they probably did I had no way of asking her if everything was alright between us, so I ended up sitting and staring at the phonefor her to callfor a boy to call I kneas ridiculous, but I couldn&039;t stop doing it Imy off time Mainly, I sat around the house and dwelled Dwelled on subjects I didn&039;t want to think about Dwelled aboutthat relationship had gone Dwelled on ht they&039;d been taken froht more about the wreck that first week, than I had since it had happened With nothing to do and nothing to distract one over it fifty thousand ways in s I could have handled differently Things I could have done differently Goodbyes I could have said

Oddly, the only escape frohts waspleasant dreanizant in my dreams The minute I saw one of ister that I wasn&039;t in reality anyreat a truth to ignore, even in REM sleep

But it didn&039;t botherconversations with me Quite the opposite - I enjoyed it, even looked forward to it I talked with all three of the theun to have more control over other aspects of er and so, like when Darren ca We&039;d walked fro room to what should have been the kitchen, but instead was an e bikes, because that&039;s what I&039;d wanted to see It was sort of e to have that level of control

Now that&039;s not to say I had perfect control, sometimes there was a blue sky in my bedroom and sometimes it rained Mentos (which Lil actually quite enjoyed) and so While I hated those nighth toworth the risk

Soroups of two and soether But the most intense dreams, the ones I could have lost myself in for days - those were all with Lil; just her and I together, alone ineach other desperately We still never took it farther than we&039;d gone in real life, but I was close to being ready, close to wanting that rew to relish , and dreaded my ti for ways to prolong sluhout the day, and when that started to not work anyh my mother&039;s medicine cabinet until I found her stash of Ambien, the stash she didn&039;t knoare of I&039;d started popping the to zone out and be with my friends, even if it was all in my head I kneas a bad habit to start, and I was never one to pop prescriptions before, but I wanted to see them, and it actually did help

I&039;d just taken then Sawyer unexpectedly showed up

Fro days, it was Thursday afternoon when a light knock filtered throughto feel the sleepy side effects of the drugs I&039;d taken, I shuffled to the door, not really caring as at it Still inin), I squinted a bit as the bright light of day hitto lullSawyer and her super dark hair standing before me

"Heyhi," I ainst the doorfra to settle on me

"Hey," she answered back, as her eyes flicked over ray eyes narroith concern while her lips curved down into an adorable pout "You look awful, are you okay?"

I sh escapedher lips "I&039;at h ly face, realizing I hadn&039;t shaved in awhile andactually, I hadn&039;t showered in a while either and I probably did look (and s in the shower real quick while Sawyer looked aroundroom, but discarded it when she sat on my couch and looked back at ; I didn&039;t want to miss a minute

I shook my head to clear the cobwebs and softly closed the front door before joining her on the couch I wanted to throw ht, but I didn&039;t And not just because I didn&039;t want to beanymoreI also didn&039;t want to offend her withon the ground before us and opened it She began ru around inside it as that splendid voice that I&039;d missed soyou your stuff" She sighed irritably whileabout "My parents had issues withover here" She shook her head "I told theive you your horabbed a folder and some papers she&039;d found and handed theether after she said "homework" and I sotten that she was going to do that for ain and met my eye, just as I was about to thank her "Ms Reynolds eventually had to call them and explain the situation" She rolled her eyes "She actually had to ask the to coain Luckily they didn&039;t, and I have exactly twenty ht up each day"

My slow s her story I&039;dforher head at her parents&039; over protectiveness when she narrowed her eyes again and searchedones "Are you sure you&039;re okay? You seemout of it"

I rubbed my eyes to try and keep ot, and exhaled softly "Yeah, I just took a couple of ot here They&039;re starting to kick insorry"

Silence answeredvery tall and straight on the couch, her eyes wide "You what?"

I scrunched my brows at her odd expression "I took a couple pills, so I could rest It&039;s no big deal, Sawyer" I put a hand on her shoulder "Relax"

She looked atmine intently I inhaled quickly at her closeness and nervous energy shot through , Sawyer?"

Her face and voice took on that &039;too old for seventeen&039; tone that it sometimes could "How many did you take, Lucas?"

I scoffed and pulled away fro her hands with mine "Tworelax"

I held her hands firain My brows drew together, a little irritably, and her face scrunched to s?"

Feeling ashaered by her question, and her tone, I tossed her hands away and stood up from the couch "I took two pills to helplike I&039; addict!"

She stood as well and stepped in front of erous, Lucas It&039;s too easy to" She closed heraround the edges of my letterood habit to start" She stepped closer to , and put a hand on my arm "Please"

I looked down at her suddenly concerned face, her eyes starting to mist over Confused, I could only say, "I just want to sleep, Sawyer I justI need" I shrugged and my shoulders suddenly felt like concrete blocks "I just want to sleep h all of this"

Her arht "You can&039;t, Luc" I felt her exhale in a stuttered breath and I put ht "Pleasedon&039;t" She shook her head against my chest "Find another way to deal with it"

I leaned over her, resting hter with her nearlike I could do anything with her ared "Okay, SawyerI won&039;t take theh her hair and we started to sway together slightly She nodded againstmoments

As time pressed in on us, we finally pulled apart She wiped her slightly wet eyes and looked up at ht a hand to her cheek and frowned I&039;d seely hurt her and I didn&039;t understand why I shook my head and whispered, "I&039;m sorry, if Iworried you"

Withto brush back and forth across her cheekbone, she nodded slightly Her lips parted as we faced each other and that war took hold over et this moment of peace with her It wasn&039;t the same as the hours of school that we used to have, but for now, it would have to do

Without thinking about it, I lowered htly pressedit after the fact I pulled apart from her, my eyes wide and fearful Great Had I just crossed the lines of our friendship again? How often would she put up withher around emotionally? "Sorry," I immediately sputtered

Her eyes were half closed and her breath faster I droppedher cheek as her eyes opened fully and met mine Her cheeks faintly deepened in color and she looked away froo over your homework," she muttered as she stepped away froh my hair and cursed under ?

"Right" I carefully sat down beside her, watching her face for any signs of anger or e this for me"

She nodded as she picked up the stack of papers that had fallen froh the out notes she&039;d written, a lot of notes actually I watched her carefully while she went over all the assignathered for me I realized I wouldn&039;t be so bored anymore while she went over lesson after lesson I tuned out the work as I watched her She see at lanced at a clock on the wall "Da and stood up, still not looking at me "I&039;ll come by tomorrow, okay Maybe I&039;ll skip out of club early and we&039;ll have a little ether"

She walked past me and started for the door I stood up and reached out for her, just catching her fingers as she hurried away frouarded

"I&039;m sorry about earlier, Sawyer So really stupid

She cocked her head at me as her eyes narrowed "Nosoers from mine "One day you&039;ll have to decide what direction you want to go" She backed away, searching my face, and then turned and opened the door "I&039;ll see you toht when she raised it "Please, don&039;t take any ht as she disappeared, her black head carih it was hard, I did what Sawyer asked, and stopped taking the sleeping pills I wasn&039;t addicted to the to know that I could be sleeping, could be with Lil, but had to wait untilto force it there When it took a few days for the drugs to fully leech out, forthe day, I realized I rateful for Sawyer&039;s request She was right, they weren&039;t a good idea And I did still get to see ood dreaday, and I alking in a field alongside a strea over small boulders ht peeked through holes in the cloud cover and the tall, green grass tickling ht rays The field al in the space where the Queen would rest, was my Queen, her hands clasped behind her and a beatific smile upon her face as she waited for h the patches of darkness and light to where she stood, drenched in rays of golden sunshine Her pale hair nearly outshone that sun and the loose fabric of her light pink dress fluttered in the gentle breeze, lifting a bit at the knee to hint at the shapely thighs underneath

Coht, I cupped her soft cheek and exhaled in relief at the contact Fir her was as real toI&039;d ever felt while awake Her chin lifted and her blue eyes caught the light and sparkled with life She leaned into me and I leaned down, her lips warm and soft e connected

I pulled away fro around her sli froer the thin strap of her dress "Hey, Barbie, I hed in kind as her warm hands moved to rest on my chest "I missed you too, Lucand don&039;t call u her body flush to"Why not?"

Her hand ran up and downthe muscles under my thin shirt I bit ers "Because, it implies that I&039;m fake and plasticky" Her eyes lifted to meet mine and the corner of her lip rose in a wry smile "And I&039; on the corner, as the smell of her filled me She was so real "I know you&039;re not, Lilyou&039;re real" I pulled back and gave her a wry grin ofa little unfair to Barbie"

Her head tilted back in a laugh and her eyes danced with happiness when they ain I sed a bit, at the vision of this beautiful woman before me, and I couldn&039;t quite contain the caled to get even closer tounfair?"

I tried to smile, but h my body She felt real and as always I was super aware of every inch of her that was in contact with ainst h, her sto over my chest, her mouth inches fro she&039;s done with her life: Doctor, Lawyer, Vet, Teacher"

She laughed again and brought her nose up to ot even closer "Great So now I&039;ht her lips, finding theainst each other equally, both needing the other, but she pulled back before I could deepen the kiss Her breath heavier, her eyes filling with desire, she ran her hands up htyI know exactly what I want"

I exhaled heavily at her words,"I want you, Lil"

Her hands reached up to clutch the back of my hair "I want you too, Lucas"

Without another word, my hand at her shoulder clasped her neck and pulled her nited us both and our tender and soft kisses turned into searing and scorching kisses I leaned back, pulling her with me and letfor a short laugh as, instead of harshly landing on the grass, we landed on the softup her thigh and under her dress as a cloud passed across the sun,the section of the field ere still in

She sighed and arched her back aseffortlessly up her crea ueShe tasted like she always did, she smelled like she always did, she felt like she always did My hand finally reached all the way up her leg to cup her backside and I groaned softly when nothing i any underwear

"Oh god, Lil," I muttered, as I dropped htly and ht down to ainst her hip and let out a ragged breath "I&039;m ready, Lil I&039;m finally ready"