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It still happened and it was horrible But it’s worthless

I am so empty

"I’m sorry," he repeats

"Got any Percocet? Or just Adderall?"

"I’ve got everything" He takes another swig from the bottle and stares at me I stare back at him expectantly "Are you serious?" he says "You want Percocet?"

"Yes"

"It’ll really fuck you up It’s not like you take theive it to me"

How can he refuse? He takes another drink, grabs e of the house, unseen We go upstairs, to his roos into his sock drawer, and a second later I have the pills Plural He must feel really bad

He must think they’ll help

"On the house," he says "Unless you want to pay ina, I’m really sorry--"

"Shut the fuck up," I say tiredly

I leave him in his bedrooe of the tub and stare at the Percocet Is this what it was like for Liz? Trying to find a decent ending for herself in a bunch of pills? But I don’t want to die

I just don’t want to be here I never wanted to be here

I’ automatic and familiar about the Percocet I didn’t do pills at parties before I just drank Because it ht of s under my eyes anddown of their own accord The pills feel heavy in my palm, as heavy as Donnie’s keys in ers around the pills and close s Coward Liz is right Coward I want to be better than that someday If it’s possible Is it possible I hope…

I open my hand I flush them down the toilet

I stay in the bathroo and I’ my way out of the house when so for roan and et in a car if he’s totally plastered I have to make him someone else’s problem I leave the house andin a chair

"Is Josh here?" I ask his "He was"

My eyes travel to an eround "Henry," I say

"He’s inside," he says, closing his eyes And then a warning: "Anna’s probably close"

I go back inside and climb up the stairs Maybe he’s in his bedroom, but I hope not If he’s there, Anna’s with hi

Josh’s bedroom door is open No one’s inside I ht filtering across the floor from inside the den catches ood

But Donnie’s not there

I push the door open Josh is sprawled on the couch, his right leg dangling off the side, his arm thrown haphazardly across his eyes I cross the roolassy eyes take les into a sitting position and pats the space next to him I sit down

He rubs his eyes "Is Anna back?"

"Where did she go?"

"She drove Jeanette home because she couldn’t find you She’s very, veryhos his hand up to my face I brush it away "Don’t touch me"

His face falls, devastated, like it’s soh it’s es closer to ina"

"Josh, don’t--"

It doesn’t stop him He wraps his arht, even though it’s so far frorip on y into my bones, but it’ll never work And then he pulls away a little and holds s histo kiss ize into mine I can smell the booze on his breath

"I’ainston?"

Josh lowers his hands I turn slowly Kara’s voice is soft and interested