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―That‘s what I want,‖ I said

Dad must‘ve bullied someone because they let Meryl come up As soon as I saw her, I plowed into her ar face into her shoulder like a little kid

―It‘s okay,‖ she murmured, as we tottered back and forth She stroked ht my knapsack and promised to fetch clothes ―And your hairbrush,‖

she said, ticking iteers ―Sha?‖

―My laptop‖ I told her what books I needed ―Oh, andlot I think my keys are‖ I stirred the contents of

―Sure, sweetheart‖ She checked her watch ―It‘ll be daylight soon We‘re down here,it out--‖

―He wants to go back‖

―He can suck an egg His patients will keep I‘ll get them to run your keys back up to you That way, you can co to depend on s are I can put off going back north for a while‖

―I need to go to school on Monday‖

―Why don‘t you just take it one day at a tiht not feel up to school for a while People would understand‖ She peered at lasses ―You call hiht she and I were on the saht myself just in time ―He‘s probably not up yet‖

―If that boyfriend cares about you, he won‘t mind Besides, don‘t all you kids sleep with your cell phones glued to your ear? Call him, honey That‘s what people who love each other do‖

c

The nurse‘s na in a cot so I could sleep next to Mom ―People always co in an armload of blankets ―I swiped these from the autoclave in the delivery roo else you need, you just say‖

―Thanks‖ I kneouldn‘t sleep, but I let her cover me up She‘d been so nice, it see, honey Hospital rules, you can‘t use that cell up here You want to o down to the cafeteria Otherwise, you have to go outside, as in out of the building Okay?‖ I nodded, and she dihts and left

For a while, I lay on reen and red lines that sketched my mother‘s heartbeat and blood pressure The ventilator hissed and sighed and sucked air and letfluids into my mother‘s veins My mother was still as death

I checked ht; Mitch would want to know I kneould But I decided to wait a little while longer The idea of bundling up to stand in the frigid wind ht about what you‘d said, Bobby-o, you‘d be right

Deep in my heart, I knew ine her turning a slow circle, her eyes cutting across the silent spines of the books that she loved so much I wasn‘t sure she ht have been an accident

Or not

About what you‘d said about the fire at Grandpa‘sBobby, Bobby, you didn‘t really expect uessed You‘re not as smart as he is, but you can read between the lines Come to think of it, I probably should‘ve had you dostories about crazy people So, draw your own conclusions

I rued out the Lasker book, the one Mitch had given uessed, so I propped myself up on pillows and started in

The book was a very fast read Lasker reiterated a lot of what I already knew about Alexis If you believed hiht, and it was lust at first sight Lasker went into great detail about what Alexis was like in bed (a screamer who liked to use her nails and wasn‘t above a little blood); how often she wanted to get into his pants (every five seconds); how she made him feel: sore Okay, he really didn‘t say that What Lasker wrote was sated, yet hungry forthat only Alexis infused in my veins, oh sweet happy death Talk about hyperbole Maybe it‘sonto his chest Or a heroin addict

The whole book was like that I wasn‘t sure why Mitch thought it would be helpful, then considered that all I had for Alexis‘s frame of acy, wrote Lasker was allto that If you believed hih their es was vain, self-absorbed, blind to everything but her own needs and passions, whether those passions were for whales and dolphins, or a lover

But then I ca Lasker wrote that ic, at the saood, Bob, I copied it word for word: There are those individuals who die for a cause, and we say they have made the ultimate sacrifice We call them martyrs, and we never doubt their sincerity