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"It's not?"

"Of course not What you want to know is how

"Sohter Do you want to tell me about it?"

HE didn't want to, not a whole hell of a lot, and it took hiuely about the sort of child she had been, very bright and warm and affectionate, and about how much he had loved her

Then he said, "When she was, it's hard to reht or nine She would always sit on s and kisses, and she would squirm around a little, and-"

He had to stop for a

"One day, I don't knohy it happened, but one day she was on ot excited Physically excited"

"It happens"

"Does it?" His face looked like solass"I couldn't… couldn't even think about it I was so disgusted with hter, at least I had always thought that hat I felt for her, and to findto her sexually-"

"I'm no expert, Mr Hanniford, but I think it's a very natural thing Just a physical response So on trains"

"This was more than that"

"Maybe"

"It was, Scudder I was terrified of what I saw in myself Terrified of what it could lead to, the harm it could have for Wendy And so Iso close to her" He lowered his eyes "I withdrew I made myself limit my affection for her, the affection I expressed, that is Maybe the affection I felt as well There was less hugging and kissing and cuddling I was deterhed, fixed his eyes on uess at, Scudder?"

"A little of it I thought it one farther than that"

"I's you wouldn't believe And they aren't always animals What happened the last time you saw Wendy?"

"I've never told anyone about this Why do I have to tell you?"

"You don't But you want to"

"Do I?" He sighed again "She was ho was the way it had always been, but there was so about her that was different I suppose she had already established a pattern of getting involved with older one out alone Perhaps she let someone pick her up, I don't know" He closed his eyes and looked back at that evening "I hen she caone to sleep early, and I had a book I wanted to read Wendy ca She wasn't reeling, but she was at least slightly drunk

"I saw a side of her I had never seen before She… she propositioned me"

"Just like that?"

"She asked s Described acts she wanted to perforrab me"

"What did you do?"

"I slapped her"

"I see"

"I told her she was drunk I told her to go upstairs and get to bed I don't know if the slap sobered her, but a shadow passed over her face and she turned aithout a word and cliht perhaps I ought to go to her and tell her it was all right, that ould just forget about it In the end I did nothing I sat up for another hour or so, then went to bedwe both pretended nothing had happened Neither of us ever referred to the incident again"

I drank as in lass It all o to her… I was sickened by the way she acted Disgusted But so in me was… excited"

I nodded

"I'ht, Scudder"

"Nothing would have happened"

"How do you know that?"

"Everybody has mean little places inside himself It's the ones who aren't aware of them who fly off the handle You were able to see as happening Thata lid on it"

"Maybe"

After a while I said, "I don't think you havewas already set inabout it It wasn't a one-sided thing when you responded physically to Wendy squirh I'ether-co inside every older irls try to seduce professors, you know, andthat sort of thing Wendy had a pretty high success ratio She was evidently very good at it"