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Chapter 3

Dear Myself Dude,

I can&039;t remember the last tio the way the others went, I think I&039;ll write like gangbusters for a week or two, then lose all interest in writing about ain, starting a diary for the first time in over twenty years

That&039;s a lie, of course One of e that we lie best e lie to ourselves

Thein diaries: it was right around the tiirls, but plenty of interest in boys I was fourteen, and kept waiting to grow out of it Kept wondering rong with me Hoped it was just a phase Prayed h school would find out

The trouble with being a closeted ho fear you will be found out

I hid until I was old enough to drink

When I was sixteen, I tore up my last diary for the simplest and most cowardly of reasons: I didn&039;t want ler&039;s only son a buobbler? He would have killed s like "I wish Steve Dillon would dump that idiot cheerleader and blow me for an hour or two"

SoDiaries Specifically, new diaries No chance the colonel will find this one; he&039;s in hospice, crankily dying of lung cancer

It&039;s pretty rotten that I wasn&039;t sad when I heard It&039;s worse that I reran his labs myself to confirm it I was relieved Poor excuse for a ler I&039;m a doctor, an ER resident at one of the busier Minneapolis hospitals, and I live in a mansion No, I am not rich Not yetand probably not ever unless I specialize in cardiology, oncology, or face-lifts Fortunately, this is not the sort of job you go into in order to , because I found out (quite by accident) that when you break down my shifts into hourly rates, every receptionist in the building makes more money than I do

But back to the mansion My best friends are a vampire and the richest woman in the state of Minnesota (and, as Jessica herself would point out, not the richest black womanthe richest woman) In fact, they are rew up in, I never went back And I never will

I haven&039;t gotten laid in a while, but on the upside, I lead thelife of anyone I knowexceptand Queen of the Vaetfingers, and when he and Betsy go at it, the entire et drunk

Mostly because I&039;ve always been wildly attracted to him, and partly because Betsy has unconsciously worked her charm on meshe&039;s about the only wo with And-don&039;t get , dude, because I love her to death-it&039;s just as e didn&039;t hook up What with the shoe shopping and the bitching about being stuck in a job she didn&039;t ask for and didn&039;t want, and the way she es (quite unconsciously, I&039; about hernope, nope, nope If she was irlfriend, I probably would have jammed a needle full of potassium into my heart before the end of the first week

She has twenty-eight pairs of black puain to ot twenty-nine Those twenty-eight or -nine pairs were earit&039;s al sex from the other side of the fence, Betsy didn&039;t even know she was doing it Getting intoly and by accident My inner scientist wished I could have known her in life, so I could compare her premortem charisoing on and on about Betsy&039;s unholy sex appeal? That&039;s not what I wanted to say at all

Basically, I guess I&039;ve started another diary because things aren&039;t all happy-happy-yay-yay, the-good-guys-win anyht I&039;d learned that by the time I was in my fourth year of medical school, but I didn&039;t know shit about death back then

I know a lotFriends are dying And I just figure so it all down

Because one of these days, I&039;in first class, if you knohat I ht I won&039;t be around to see it, so I guess it doesn&039;t rimaced as I plopped down next to him with BabyJon in my arms Not particularly keen on fatherhood in the first place, Eric had found it an annoying shock that his as the legal guardian of her infant half brother

He was, like anythat took his wife&039;s attention away fro)

Also, it wasstory short: cursed engageh) And when I used the ring, my father was killed As well as my stepmother

I had wished for a baby of my own and, like that story "The Monkey&039;s Paw," risly way: With BabyJon&039;s parents dead, guess who got custody? Bingo Leaving me with an instant baby, zero stretch uilt

Since I had inadvertently ured the least I could do was raise him He was my only shot at motherhood; obviously, dead people don&039;t breed

He squirmed in my arms I smiled at him Jet-black hair and crystal blue eyes, plump where babies are supposed to be plump (Enjoy society&039;s acceptance of your body fat while it lasts, baby brother) He had four teeth so far, and his lower lip was a waterfall of drool

"Why not put hi out the Wall Street Journal like it was a beach blanket

"Because we&039;re not going anywhere right this second"

"Not yet!" Jessica called froht theyto the latest Shakira album-and headed toward us

She plopped into the seat behind us and curled up like a cat She was so small, she actually pulled it off

"So we&039;re really doing this thing?"

Sinclair looked around as if verifying the cockpit, the pilot, his papers, azines "It appears so"

"Because, for the record? I think it&039;s nuts What happened to that poor girl wasn&039;t your fault"

"Sure," I said, shocked at how bitter I sounded It felt like I was sucking on a psychic le"