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I wanted him to knoouldn’t hurt him

I waited And waited

And he waited, too, though I didn’t knohat he aiting for It felt like I was the only one reaching out

But he was always there Watchinghim Never any closer to me, but never any farther away, either

And so it was an unbroken pattern for six years: the wolves’ haunting presence in the winter and their evenabsence in the suht they olves Only wolves

CHAPTER FOUR • SAM

90°F

The day I nearly talked to Grace was the hottest day of my life Even in the bookstore, which was air-conditioned, the heat crept in around the door and ca picture s in waves Behind the counter, I slouched on my stool in the sun and sucked in the summer as if I could hold every drop of it inside of ht bleached all the books on the shelves to pale, gilded versions of themselves and warmed the paper and ink inside the covers so that the s in the air

This hat I loved, when I was human

I was reading when the door opened with a little ding, adirls They were laughing too loudly to needthe walls and talk about everything except books

I don’t think I would’ve given the girls a second thought, except that at the edge of my vision I saw one of the ponytail The action itself was insignificant, but the nized that smell I knew immediately

It was her It had to be

I jerked irls’ direction The other tere still talking and gesturing at a paper bird I’d hung fro above the children’s book section She wasn’t talking, though; she hung back, her eyes on the books all around her I saw her face then, and I recognized so of myself in her expression Her eyes flicked over the shelves, seeking possibilities for escape

I had planned a thousand different versions of this scene in my head, but now that the moment had come, I didn’t knohat to do

She was so real here It was different when she was in her backyard, just reading a book or scribbling homework in a notebook There, the distance between us was an impossible void; I felt all the reasons to stay away Here, in the bookstore, with ly close in a way she hadn’t before There was nothing to stopto her

Her gaze headed in my direction, and I looked away hurriedly, down at nize nize my eyes

I prayed for her to leave so I could breathe again

I prayed for her to buy a book so I would have to talk to her

One of the girls called, “Grace, co into the College of Your Dreaht?”

I sucked in a slow breath and watched her long sunlit back as she crouched and looked at the SAT prep books with the other girls There was a certain tilt to her shoulders that seemed to indicate only polite interest; she nodded as they pointed to other books, but she seeh the s, catching the individual flyaway hairs in her ponytail and turning each one into a shiold strand Her head moved almost imperceptibly back and forth with the rhyth overhead

“Hey”

I jerked back as a face appeared before irls, dark-haired and tanned She had a huge caht into , but I knehat she was thinking Reactions to lances to out-and-out staring; at least she was being honest about it

“Do you mind if I take your photo?” she asked

I cast around for an excuse “Some native people think if you take their photo, you take their soul It sounds like a very logical arguetically “You can take photos of the store if you like”

The third girl pushed up against the caht brown hair, trey that she exhausted , Olivia? We don’t have time for that Here, dude, we’ll take this one”

I took Making the Grade frolance around for Grace

“Nineteen dollars and ninety-nine cents,” I said

My heart was pounding

“For a paperback?” reirl, but she handed me a twenty “Keep the penny” We didn’t have a penny jar, but I put it on the counter next to the register I bagged the book and receipt slowly, thinking Grace

But she stayed in the biography section, head tipped to the side as she read the spines The freckle girl took the bag and grinned at me and Olivia Then they went to Grace and herded her toward the door

Turn around, Grace Look at ht now, she’d see my eyes, and she’d have to know me

Freckle girl opened the door—ding—and made an i Olivia turned briefly, and her eyes foundat them—at Grace—but I couldn’t stop

Olivia frowned and ducked out of the store Freckle girl said, “Grace, come on”

My chest ached, e my head didn’t quite understand

I waited

But Grace, the only person in the world I wanted to know er over the cover of one of the new hardcovers and walked out of the store without ever realizing I was there, right within reach