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CHAPTER ONE – REAGAN

Viva La Peen

There was a cock on my phone screen

No, not a picture of h that would have been the appropriate introduction for such a thing

Not a rooster or cockerel or whatever those cock-a-doodle-doo bastards were called

An actual cock

A dick

A peen

A pork sword

A semen lollipop

A jizz teat

A sperm worm

A cuun

An honest-to-God fucking penis

Attached to an honest-to-God man

Who had the honest-to-God wrongphone number

This wasn’t how s started I didn’t want to drink my coffee with a side of dick pic, thank you very much I wanted it with a side of hot, buttered toast, or er if it was that kind of Monday

It was not that kind of Monday

Yet

It was pretty damn close

I blinked at my phone screen as I stirred my coffee I’d never received one of these before I counted iven the… liberties… people took with the internet these days

How did this happen?

Was this one of those situations where a wrong nuenuine mistake?

I didn’t understand how people could enuine mistakes with numbers

Did nobody save to their contacts list anymore?

Letto send a picture oftheir nu an FBI-level check-up on a suspicious person

I probably also wouldn’t be sending a photo of my boobs to anyone in the first place

I digress

What was the appropriate course of action here? Iand I had to drink et to work in an hour