Page 33 (2/2)

My father was standing in the bedroom doorway He moved closer "I didn't know you drank"

I looked at hione"

"I forgot so?" He took the glass of whiskey from my hand

My "

He was frowning "This isn't like you, Sidney What's wrong?" He saw the pile of sleeping pills "My God! What's going on here? What are these?"

No plausible lie ca pills"

"Why?"

"I' to - to commit suicide"

There was a silence Then my father said, "I had no idea you were so unhappy"

"You can't stop me, because if you stop me now I'll do it tomorrow"

He stood there, studyingyou ith it" He hesitated "If you're not in too big a hurry, why don't we go for a little walk?"

I knew exactly what he was thinking My father was a sales to try to talk me out ofto do I said, "All right"

"Put on a coat You don't want to catch cold"

The irony of that made me smile

Five minutes later, my father and I were headed doept streets that were e temperature

After a long silence, my father said, "Tell me about it, son Why do you want to commit suicide?"

Where could I begin? How could I explain to him how lonely and trapped I felt? I desperately wanted a better life - but there was no better life for me I wanted a wonderful future and there was no wonderful future I had glowing daydrea in a drugstore

My fantasy was to go to college, but there was no money for that My dream had been to become a writer I had written dozens of short stories and sent the Post, and I had gotten back printed rejections I had finally decided I couldn't spend the rest ofmisery