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CHAPTER 1

Muffy

It must be nice to be born with a sweet, nor because it’s so incredibly god-awful

“I need to change my name It’s because of my name that Steve dumped me” Muffy dumped her car keys on the table and sank down beside her BFF, Carla She swiped at her puffy cheeks She ell aware that her pale skin looked blotchy as hell and her tear ducts were so eain Her swollen tear-stained eyes felt like she’d stuck her face in a bad science experi away at all her vital tissues

Her heart felt a little like that too Orshe had no control over didn’t exactly give a big self-esteeuy a person could take houy who had a decent job, drove a nice car and owned his own place

The small apartment she shared with Carla was a safe place Carla herself was like the apart And currently, Carla had her hair wrapped in a blue fluffy towel that matched her extra blue, extra fluffy robe Her cheeks were flushed pink frole, liked to light a candle, kick back, and dump half a bottle of bubble bath into the tub Which should have been hell on her skin, but her skin was always perfect

Despite Muffy’s world-ending news, Carla went right on stuffing popcorn into her ood at it either She missed her mouth and a few kernels dropped to the floor She rolled her eyes at Muffy’s outburst, the way that only best friends who detest said man can roll their eyes

“Did it ever occur to you that Steve breaking up with you was the best thing that could have happened?”

“No!” Muffy wailed “I spent a year with him! A year of my life!”

“A year wasted on wrinkly old balls You never did tell rey or not”

“Carla!”

“What?” Carla waggled her brows and stuffed another hand of popcorn into her mouth

“His balls weren’t old or wrinkly They were nice balls Like, really nice ones Like, perfect balls And he didn’t have any pubes He manscaped down there’

“He ever dragged them across your face?”

“What?” Muffy’s mouth dropped open