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I was going to die

I couldn’t remember if Oklahoma was a death penalty state Like I’d actually paid attention in history class while Coach Fitz played movie after movie? But that didn’t ht Alone With no vampyres Even Detective Marx understood what that an rejecting the Change

Like I’d hit a rewind button in ainst the screen of my closed eyes: Elliott, Stevie Rae, Stark, Erin …

I squeezed hter

It happens fast Really, really fast, I promised myself

Then another death scene flashed through my memory Two men—homeless, obnoxious, but alive until I’d lost control of er at theainst the stone wall beside the little grotto at Woodward Park … how they’d lay there, crumpled, broken …

But they’d been ! I didn’t think I’d killed them! I hadn’t meant to kill them! It really had just been a terrible accident! My mind shouted

“No!” I spoke sharply to the selfish part of me that wanted to make excuses, wanted to run away fro They are dead because I killed them It won’t make up for what I did, but I deserve to die”

I curled up under the scratchy gray blanket and faced the wall I ignored the dinner tray they slid through a slat in the door I wasn’t hungry anyway, but whatever that was on that tray definitely didn’t tempt me

And for some reason, the bad food smell reminded hetti at the House of Night, surrounded by my friends

But I’d been too stressed out by hetti, not really Just like I hadn’t appreciated my friends Or Stark Not really

I hadn’t stopped to consider the fact that I was lucky to have two such auys love me Instead I’d been pissed and frustrated

I thought about Aphrodite I re me I remembered how I’d storer focused through the Seer Stone

The e in shame

Aphrodite had been absolutely right I had needed watching It wasn’t like she’d been able to reason withclose to reasonable

I cringed again as I reer at Aphrodite

“Ohoddess! If I had, I could have killed my friend” I spoke into my palms as I covered my face with my hands in shame

It didn’tit to, a All those tiot hotter and hotter Why hadn’t I stopped and thought through as going on? Why hadn’t I asked someone for help? I’d asked Lenobia for boyfriend advice Boyfriend advice! I should have been asking for an anger intervention!

But I hadn’t asked for any help with anything except what my tunnel vision had been focused on: me

I’d been a self-absorbed bitch

I deserved to be where I was I deserved my consequences

The lights in the hallent out I had no idea what time it was It seemed like years instead of o to bed too darn early on school nights

I wished, with everything inside me, that I could call Superman and have him fly backward around the earth until time turned back to yesterday Then I’d be hoht into Stark’s arms and tell him how much I love and appreciate him I’d tell hiure it out—all two point five of us—but that I was going to appreciate the love that surrounded me no matter what Then I’d yank that daive it to her to keep it safe like she was my Frodo

But it was too late for wishes Turning back time is only a fantasy Superman isn’t real

I didn’t sleep It was night, and night had becoht now I should be at school withas (forer I should have been anything except a selfish brat

Hours later I heard the slot in the door open again, and when I turned over I saw that someone had taken away o away, too

I had to pee, but I didn’t want to Didn’t want to use the bare toilet sticking out of the wall in the middle of the room I stared at the corners of the walls where theyCameras

Was it legal for wardens to watch prisoners pee?

Did the regular rules even count withput on trial in hu to human prison

I don’t have to worry about that I’ll drown in o to trial

Weirdly enough, that thought was a coht in the hallway came on, I fell into a restless, dreamless sleep

It seeed open and another aluminum tray sloshed into y, still trying to fall back to sleep—until the scent of eggs and bacon hadhad it been since I’d eaten anything? Ugh, I felt terrible Blearily, I got up and walked the six steps to the door, picking up the tray and carrying it carefully back to my rumpled bed

The eggs were scrambled and super runny The bacon was beef jerky hard There was coffee, a carton of milk, and dry toast

I would have given al for one bowl of Count Chocula and a can of brown pop

I took a bite of the eggs, and they were so salty they almost made me choke

But instead of choking, I began to cough Within that terrible cough I tasted so metallic and slick and warm and weirdly wonderful

It was my own blood

Fear rocketed throughso soon? I’m not ready! I’m not ready!

Trying to clear nored the pink tinge in the runny yellow, put the tray on the floor, and curled up on the bed, wrappingandas I wiped fresh wetness from my lips

I was so scared!

Don’t be, I told h You’ll see Nyx soon And Jack And on and Anastasia

And Mom!

Mom … I suddenly wanted

“I wish I wasn’t alone,” I whispered in a gravelly voice into the hard, flat mattress