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I am not born all at once, the new Lena

Step by stepand then, inch by inch

Crawling, insides curled into dust, mouth full of the taste of smoke

Fingernail by fingernail, like a worm

That is how she comes into the world, the new Lena

When I can no longer go forward, even by an inch, I lay htened Above me is blackness, and all aroundlowered into a narrow, dark space, and my aunt Carol is there, and Hana, and -dead father They are all watching

I am in a black tunnel filled with mist, and I am not afraid

Alex is waiting for ht

Alex reaching out his ar

Hey Hey

Wake up

Hey Wake up Come on, come on, come on

The voice pulls me back from the tunnel, and for a moment Im horribly disappointed when I open my eyes and see not Alexs face, but some other face, sharp and unfamiliar I cant think; the world is all fractured Black hair, a pointed nose, bright green eyespieces of a puzzle I cant make sense of

Coht, stay with me Bram, where the hell is that water?

A hand under my neck, and then, suddenly, salvation A sensation of ice, and liquid sliding: water fillingaway the dust, the taste of fire First I cough, choke, alulp, suck, while the hand stays under eht Youre safe now

Black hair, loose, a tent around ht mouth, and creases at the corners of her eyes, and hands as rough as , as big as baskets I think, Thank you I think, Mother

Youre safe Its okay Youre okay

Thats how babies are born, after all: cradled in so, helpless

After that, the fever pullsmoments are few, and my impressions disjointed More hands, and reen above me, and fractal patterns in the sky Later there is the sainstpain in s

In between are dreams unlike any Ive ever had before They are full of explosions and violence: drea and skeletons charred to black bits

Alex never coone ahead of me and disappeared beyond the tunnel

Alirl, urginga cool towel to my forehead Her hands smell like smoke and cedar

And beneath it all, beneath the rhyth, the fever and the chills, is the word she repeats, again and again, so it weaves its way into ins to push back so: Safe Safe Safe Youre safe now

The fever breaks, finally, after I dont kno long, and at last I float into consciousness on the back of that word, gently, softly, like riding a single wave all the way into the shore

Before I even open ether, the s, and the ht is that Im at home, in Aunt Carols house, and shes about to calllike any other

Then the ht with Alex, the botched escape,back, and I snap h I cant do h Ive been encased in stone

The black-haired girl, the one who ht e stone sink She whips around when she hears me shift in my bed

Easy, she says She brings her hands out of the sink, wet to the elbow Her face is sharp, extremely alert, like an anihtly crooked She crosses the room, squats next to the bed Youve been out for a whole day

Where anizable as my own

Ho me closely Thats e call it, anyway

No, I ether what happened after I climbed the fence All I can think of is Alex I mean, is this the Wilds?

An expressionof suspicion, possiblypasses quickly over her face Were in a free zone, yes, she says carefully, then stands and without another word h a darkened doorway Fro I can hear voices indistinctly I feel a brief pang of fear, wonder if Ive been wrong to mention the Wilds, wonder if these people are safe Ive never heard anyone call unregulated land a free zone before

But no Whoever they are, they must be on my side; they saved me, have had me completely at their mercy for days

Iainst the hard stone wall behind h stone floors, stone walls on which, in places, a thin fil, an old-fashioned stone basin fitted with a rusted faucet that clearly hasnt functioned in years I on a hard, narrow cot, covered with ratty quilts This, in addition to a few tin buckets in the corner underneath the defunct sink, and a single wooden chair, is the roohts, eitherjust two eency lanterns, battery-operated, which fill the rooht