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When I was a little kid,Every time it snowed, I would convince Lena to meet me at the bottoether ould trek through softin clouds, our plastic sleds sliding soundlessly behind us while hanging icicles refracted the sunlight and turned the world new and dazzling

Froy line of low brick buildings huddled together by the wharves and across the bay to the white-capped islands just off the coast--Little Diauard tower--past the ray water on their way to other ports; all the way to open ocean, distant flashes of it winking and dancing close to the horizon

"Today I'o to China!" I'd trumpet out into the quiet

And Lena would go as pale as the snow clinging to her faded jacket and say, "Shhh, Hana Someone will hear you" We weren't supposed to talk about other countries, or even know their naood as lost to history--they had imploded, turned chaotic and riotous, ruined by amor deliria nervosa

I had a secret h, which I kept underneath my mattress; it had been stuffed in with a few books I had inherited froh his possessions totheed inside a thick nursery-school priuide to The Book of Shhh, was a map that must have been circulated in the time Before It showed no border wall around the United States, and it featured other countries too: ed, broken places

"China!" I would say, just to bug her, and to show her I wasn't afraid of being overheard, by the regulators or patrols or anyone else Besides, ere all alone We were always all alone at Coronet Hill It was very steep, and situated close to the border and to Killians' House, which was supposedly haunted by the ghosts of a diseased couple who had been conde the blitz There were other,spots all over Portland "Or maybe France I hear France is lovely at this time of year"

"Hana"

oth220;I'o anywhere without you" And then I'd flop down ontoa fine spray of snow on id bite of the rushing air, watching the trees turn to dark blurs on either side of , but her voice hipped away by the thundering of the wind and the whistling of the sled across the snow and the loose, breathless laughter that pushed itself out ofand throat raw, terrified and exhilarated: a sheet of white, an endless surf of snow rising up to an to bottom out

Each time I made a wish: that I could take off into the air I would be thrown fro, blank tide, a crest of snow that would reach up and suction me into another world

But each tiin to slow It would co to a halt, and I would stand up, shaking the ice from my mittens and from the collar of my jacket, and turn around to watch Lena take her turn--slower,behind her to slow her momentum

Strangely enough, this is what I drea the last summer that will ever be trulyThat's what it's like to barrel forward toward Septeer be troubled by amor deliria nervosa

It is like being on a sled in thewind I aulfed by whiteness and suctioned into another world

Good-bye, Hana

"Perfect" My mother dabs her mouth prirove "Absolutely exquisite"

"Thank you," Mrs Hargrove says, inclining her head graciously, as though she, and not her cook, has been the one to prepare the meal My mom has a housekeeper who comes in three times a week, but I have never known a farove and his fa roo the bread plates, pouring out the wine

"Didn't you think so, Hana?" Myher eyes so I can read the command in them

"Absolutely perfect," I reply obediently My htly, and I can tell she's wondering whether I' fun of her Perfect has been her favorite word this summer Hana's performance at the evaluations was perfect Hana's score was practically perfect Hana was paired with Fred Hargrove--the mayor's son! Isn't that perfect? Especially since, wellThere was that unfortunate situation with his firstalorks out in the end

"Mediocre at best," Fred puts in casually

Mayor Hargrove nearly chokes on his water Mrs Hargrove gasps, "Fred!"

Freyorjustifyd winks ata smile

"I', Mom It was delicious, as usual But reen beans?"

"Are you tired, Hana?" Mrs Hargrove has apparently not understood that her son is joking She turns her watery gaze toa smile

"Not at all," I say, trying to sound sincere It is roves, and my parents have impressed on me for weeks how critical it is that they like me

"Why don't you take Hana out to the gardens?" Mayor Hargrove suggests, pushing away froet coffee and dessert on"

"No, no" The last thing I want is to be alone with Fred He is nice enough, and thanks to the information packet I received about him from the evaluators, I'olf; movies; politics), but nevertheless, he makes me nervous He is older, and cured, and has already beenabout him--from the shiny silver cuff links to the neat way his hair curls around his collar--makes me feel like a little kid, stupid and inexperienced

But Fred is already standing up "That's a great idea," he says He offers me his hand "Come on, Hana"