Page 106 (1/2)

“I guess he changed his mind”

“Or ed it for him”

“Think whatever you want,” she says rudely “He wants me”

“No, he doesn’t,” I spit “You just want him more than you want me”

“What does that mean?”

“Don’t you get it? We are no longer friends We will never be friends ever again How can I even talk to you?”

Long, dreadful silence Finally: “I love him, Carrie” Click, followed by a dial tone I sit on my bed, stunned

Cannot face assembly Slink up to dairy barn instead Maybe I will spend the whole day here S Decide to use the word “fucking” at every opportunity

How could this happen? What does she have that I don’t? Okay, have already been over this Apparently, I am inadequate Or I deserve this I took him away from Donna LaDonna and now Lali has taken hioes around coirl will take him away from Lali

Why was I so stupid? I knew all along I could never keep hih Or pretty enough Or sh Or maybe I was too smart?

I put my head in my hands Sometimes, I acted dumb around him I’d say, “Oh, what’s that?” when I knew perfectly hat he was talking about It made me feel like I didn’t knoho I was, or who I was supposed to be I giggled nervously at things that weren’t funny I would becoan living with a black hole of insecurity that had moved into my consciousness like an unwanted relative who refused to leave yet constantly criticized the accommodations

I should be relieved I feel like I’ve been in a war

“Carrie?” Maggie says tentatively I look up, and there she is with rosy cheeks, hair twisted into two long braids She holds her mittened hands up to her mouth “Are you okay?”

“No” My voice is a mere husk

“The Mouse told me what happened,” she whispers