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"You can't bla They had no right leaving the burden on your shoulders Don't you go bla yourself, Rain Hear me?"

"Yes, Jake"

"I gotta call Victoria and tell her the house isn't on fire or anything I'll make you some tea okay?"

"That's a switch," I said laughing It wasn't really a laugh It was a different sort of cry, a sob disguised 'So me tea I'm a MIF," I called after him

He stuck his head back in the door "Pardon?"

"Milk in first" I said

"Oh Right,' he said and I laughed again and again until I was gasping with those dry sobs I finally ran out of energy even for that and lay still, staring up at the ceiling

"Maood luck? Still think you should have naoad things?"

I'ht I was created in error and my whole life is just a mistake

Jake practically spoon fed me the tea My body didn't want to cooperate It didn't want to be a body anymore It wanted to disappear and the best way to do that was to stop eating and drinking and caring, but Jake was persistent

"You're not going to do this Rain," he said "You're not going to fall apart now This fath, not weakness around it No one is going to bla to hold you responsible for any thing,"

"Except me," I said

"What could you do? Sub with yourself I want you to get yourself up, get showered and dressed Victoria will be here this afternoon and you'll have to deal with everything that's co"

He looked around

"This was Frances's rooine what she would want you to do and do it," he urged