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Those e I wanted was to lose my cool and for her to think it was directed at her

“The reason I couldn’t look at you the next day had nothing to do with you Well, not in the way you think I was…a dense to not have considered he would have done so like that Or, hell, maybe I did, but didn’t want to admit it to myself Whatever the casewas aboutI’d done, the way I pushed you at ti pissed! I was pissed I’d fucked up so badly and ignored all the signs right in front of me!”

I threw the shorts to the floor “II wanted to be someone that you could count on Iwhy didn’t you tell me?”

“Because…the way you all looked at h The pity The disappointment I couldn’t handle it, so if you had known, it would have been worse Besides, as I going to tell? Macy, my best friend, she didn’t talk to me for months She could have died because ofsorry for me any more than they already were”

“It wasn’t pity or disappointment, Calida It was fear, sadness, hell, a whole slew of emotions, but never disappointment As for who to tell, anyone I was there, or tried like hell to be there You had your parents, you’re paying a small fortune to Dr Carr You had options, Calida!”

“Obviously, I didn’t see it that way I pushed it down I tried not to think about it I lived with him I wassorier one time over the next? The end result was the same I couldn’t focus on it! I couldn’t! You all wanted me better It was like none of you kne to act aroundit down I had to You all wanted me better, so I was better”

My head reeled with the new inforh could have been any worse, she proved ht I’d found out boiled to new heights More than once He’d done that do herto remain calm for her sake

“Yes, anted you better, but that didn’t s from me From any of us”

“Can you honestly tell me had you known, you wouldn’t have treated me differently? More so than you already were?” She sounded tired Defeated

“Hell yes, I would have, but not for the reason you think You went through an impossible and traumatic experience No one expected you to be fine whether we knew that part or not If you needed to scream, cry, punch someone, whatever, that’s what you needed to do”

I took a step forward She shook her head

“I would have been there, by your side the whole way through, trying harder tosure you knew you had someone to take care of you when you couldn’t take care of yourself I fucking love you, Calida! I would have been there to make sure you felt it even when you didn’t realize it”

I stared into her red-briht drained froe ofabout what he’d done, I’d racked ure out why she felt like she had to keep it a secret, and now it made sense She didn’t trust us

She’d resorted to putting on this act, pretending, all while hiding her deepest pain from all of us We’d failed her I’d failed her

“I’m sorry I’m sorry that I put that kind of pressure on you And I’ in We’ve made you feel alone in this, but you’re not I’m here I’ll always be here for you In whatever way you need me to be”