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I drank down the ithout even tasting the flavor, and then I quickly refilled the glass As I brought it to aze wandered down the darkened hallhich led to our bedroolass just as fast as the first, I sat it down on thefro toward the master bedroom A room I hadn’t entered since I’d moved upstairs

My hand shook when I placed it on the doorknob I’d kept the door shut, hoping to keep the ghosts locked inside, but it didn’t work They were aliththe knob The full e floor-to-ceiling bay s I didn’t turn on the lights; I didn’t need to I didn’t need to cast ht on the horrible memories contained within these walls

The bed, like much of the room, remained untouched Every decorative pilloas in place It looked inviting, but it was a lie Turning the bottle up, I took another drink as ly of their own free will, farther into the room I stood in front of his closet door A door that had remained closed since I caht switch All of Seth’s clothes still hung neatly organized, just as he’d left the My mind played tricks on me, because it s dressed for the day Goosebumps popped up on my arms

My fingers touched his shirts as I walked down the neatly color-coordinated rows, stopping in the white section I placed the bottle of wine down on the built-in any dresser that sat in the center of the space, and then I pulled out the shirt he’d worn the day we’d ht the fabric to my nose, and inhaled deeply It did smell like him, as if his essence was fused into each strand of the cotton Wrapping the shirt tighter around uzzled more of the wine

I slid down to the floor, staring up at the color coordinated neatness Everything always had to be perfect Including me I was the puppet, and he was the puppeteer He controlled every aspect of my life with fear The fear he’d hurt someone I loved and the fear he’d kill me

I’d played my part well

I took another drink Mal was right about one thing: Seth reed andnew Seth had me so well trained that I still played the part

I laid down on the plush carpet and curledmyself until I drifted off into what I hoped would be a dreamless sleep

I awoke the nextheadache I quickly covered et up, ers to see an eainst a black shoe—his shoe Why did I co turned to rapid pants I fought to get his shirt off, feeling suffocated with it on I fled from the confined space, and slammed the door behind me

I struggled to get air intototo stave off the i panic attack My limbs shook Tears leaked from my eyes I watched as one dropped froe of my nose, onto the plush carpet below

My hands balled into fists asthrobbing ofinurge to vo better I was supposed to be getting better

I am better I awithout the pills for nearly nine o back on theet control over my body

Tiag reflex dissipated, and er trembled My heart rate lowered to a nor h me in a steady rhythm Six months It had been six months since my last panic attack Mentally, I reset the counter, like one of those accident-free posters seen in workplaces Using the doorknob for support, I pulledthe door behind me

After taking a shower, getting dressed, and taking a couple of aspirin, I called Dr Carr Once I got off the phone with her, I called my parents to check on Shawn and to see if they could keep hier My father made it a point to let me know that last question was never needed They spoiled hi therandchildren anytime soon

Her e to Daniel was on the rocks and most likely headed for divorce She no firsthand the pain of being cheated on She kne deep that sort of betrayal cut Part of me felt sorry for her, but part of me, a small part of me, sort of enjoyed her pain When I’d been cheated on by Paul, she’d had no sympathy She’d loved to make snide comments about my inability to keep a