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I hate this

Kevin would’ve hated it, too

“Throw me into the ocean and let the mermaids take ht after Mom’s funeral, and the sadness seemed too much for him to handle Kevin wasn’t one to showsadder than his breakdown after Mo

Since they were so close, I always assu a faone, I felt a bit homeless and uncertain about what to do without the two people who raised me At least I still had Grams

I wasn’t sure I would’ve been able to led aking up for the past few hts

You ever felt as if so reached into your chest, pulled out your heart, repeatedly slaehah a paper shredder? Then they had enough nerve to place it back inside of your chest, corief felt like to me It felt like a slammed, hammered, paper-shredded heart

First Mama and now Kevin

Kevin Michaels was like a father to me He went above and beyond to be there for one I couldn’t wrap my head around it Most of the ti s in life Still, some days it was harder than others

“Breathe, darling,” Grams said as her hand fell to ht

“You’re not listening,” Gra her hand in a circular motion “I said breathe”

I let out my breath

Even though I held much love for Kevin, I knew Grams’s love for him ran deeper She’d known him his whole life She was his second love, after his ownhis nanny from the first month of his life When Kevin was too old for a nanny, his faer Graer was just a fancy way to say maid, but she knew they called her that out of respect

Everyone knew Grams as exactly that—the elder of the fael sent to walk beside us all and remind us to breathe She was that for Kevin, that for my mother, and that for me

“I just don’t understand One day, he was here, and then the next…” I whispered as we stood in front of the casket My hand stayed wrapped around the necklace sitting against my neck It was three seashells After Mama passed, I added her seashell to my necklace and felt as if she was alith me whenever I placed my hands around it It broke my heart that the other day I added Kevin’s, too

“Life has a way offaster than we’d like,” Graer in pain” She placed her hands against the casket and said the same prayer she recited over Mama’s “One with the earth, one with the sea, may the waves of the ocean bless you be May you find peace on your next journey, Kevin Blessings forever”

“Blessings forever,” I whispered in agreereed on prayers or manifestations, they held s forever” was to make sure Kevin’s soul was at peace in the afterlife

“I was changing his diapers so e yours,” Gra her head Her hand stayed on the casket for a few seconds more Her body was curved at the shoulders, and it looked as if she had the weight of the world sitting against her “And now he’s gone”

The sadness she tried to shelterseeped into her eyes

“Gra choked up as I watched her eyes flood with emotions She always tried her best not to cry in front of me She felt as if she was the head of our unique fa, but after losing a son-like figure in her life, she was cracking

She sniffled a bit and pulled out a tissue from her purse to dab at her eyes “I’ to step out for soan to walk away, and when I went to follow her, she held her hand up to stopback at ht”