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I stare down at the can in my hand Canned potatoes? What the hell do you use canned potatoes for? Most of this doesn’t even look familiar, and I start to wonder…what if this isn’t even my food? What if I inherited it from the previous tenant, and just never opened the cupboards to find out?

That is entirely possible

“Where would you live?” Ito recall if I’d actually bought all of this stuff Maybe I had The few ti, I’d been about four aritas to the wind, and just sure that this time, I’d learn how to cook I’m never that stupid when I’m sober

Except tonight, apparently It’s airl Who proift, anyway? I sounded like a lead character out of a 50s sitcom

“I don’t know,” Becca says, frowning “We haven’t talked about that part yet I don’t want to leave the firm, but really, what does a cowboy do in New York?”

“Huh,” I say, because that’s all the brain power I can devote to the question, as I’ to cook in, really

“What's the difference between a pot and a pan?” I ask, searching through y I’ll take just about anything at this point

“I don’t know,” Becca says with a shrug “Hold on, is that…boxed potatoes?” she asks, picking up the offending Betty Crocker box between forefinger and thus”

“Yeah?” I ask, pulling my head back out of the cupboard to look at the box in her hand “Huh I don’t know I re, but then it had all these directions on the back side that looked co

She opens the top tentatively and then draws back in disgust “Carla, this smells awful!” she yelps, and shoves it under my nose

Of course

I can’t just take her word for it, no I have to—

I start coughing hard “Oh god,” I exclai out of my face! It smells like rotten shit!”

“Rotten?” she says with a grin “As opposed to the fresh kind?”

“Yes, exactly! Go take that outside and throw it in the duh cook without starting off with rotten food”