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Jocelyn

It's been an entire week of worrying myself sick, and honestly, I' If I s to the bathroom ave after wave of nausea If you've never experiencedsickness, consider yourself lucky Seriously It's brutal Why do they call it 'ht, afternoon—it doesn't discriminate It'll hit you whenever and where ever it wants to And let s like toothpaste and my favorite perfume make me sick I tried to set up a spa date with one of et hts cleared, pamper myself a bit, and re-connect with the people I've been close with—but I couldn't have been e therapist for vo in her waist basket when I kneouldn't make it to the bathroorant lotion just sent me over the top It was overkill

I wish I could describe that sets ju sickness because I knohat you're probably thinking—spas s fro sickness But do you want to knohat ht of the scent? My body treated it like it was the snitive dissonance that happens when you think you smell a slice of peperoni pizza, but realize it's soood one bit All I can say is that this last week has been a total life adjust just a so sick every single day that when I saw Michael reading the newspaper thisbreakfast, it hit er He thinks I've just had a touch of the flu or so can I keep that ruse up? You can only lie for so long before it catches up with you, and besides, you want to step off a sinking ship before it's underwater, right? I'd rather sit down and tell Michael what's going on, than have him find out some other way Honesty is the best policy I've always believed that I know you probably don't believethat's transpired between Lance and I, and I can't blame you But I mean it

I can hear Michael sitting at his desk in his study My heart is thuht in a steel trap I' the hallway I know I need to just do it I need to gather every ounce of courage I have and walk into his office It's now or never, but every time I reach for the door,withwoether I need to own up to the truth of the ht now Do this Jocelyn I have no idea how he's going to react, but I can't worry about that right now I step toward the door again I can hear that he's just finished taking a call and has said goodbye to whoever was on the other line Now's my chance I need to step in before he's distracted with so heart, and I push the door open

Michael looks up from the book in front of him It's a self-help book of sorts about effective leadership I can tell he's confused I never walk in here, so I' in her now

"Can I help you?"

The way he asks is so i into a store and a clerk askedunder one roof and sharing a bed, but outsiders to one another

"We need to talk," I say As soon as I say it, I wish I had used a better set of words Whenever someone says they need to talk, it casts an ominous shadow over a conversation before it even starts But I couldn't help it It was the fist thing to tumble out of e I could h, I see Michael frowning His brow is furrowed into a deep crevice across his face

"What could you possibly need to talk about right now? Can you see I'n requires my full attention, Jocelyn"

I feelinto knots I see that s to ith hi to last under his penetrating gaze, so I just come out and say it

"I'nant"

It's like an intense weight has been lifted fro a silence The kind of utter silence that you get on a dark, snowy night where the wind has stopped and no living thing can be heard or seen I've been told that snow absorbs sound, and now I also feel that words can absorb sound too I want Michael to say so calm I sit down in one of the chairs and watch the emotions written on his face There is a moment of total clarity where he truly understands that this baby isn't his It's impossible, he knows But then I can see another ure out whose baby this belongs to There is aofthat I almost doubt that I saw it His face thenIt's hateful and exacting He folds his hands together on top of his desk and leans back into his chair, carefully keeping his eyes locked on mine

"Well then, this is cause for celebration—I'ain"

At first I don't knohat to say Do I need to reoes without saying, right? What kind of a ga?

"Michael, I—"