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You knohy? Because nodown in history

For good or for bad—I'll be in the next generation of history books, that's for fucking sure

I scroll through every legal contact I have in my phone

It's time to call the experts

28

Washington Beat

Future First Lady? Or First Mistress? First Booty Call?

Frohtly sappy political reporter

Woee!!! Did you see the last 24 hours people? Have you followed on what’s been happening? Because events are changing minute to minute and if you don’t keep up, you’ll soon find yourself needing a map you’ll be so lost

But just in case youthat happened in the news because you know, life, let me break it down for you

So, to start…the President is single again!!! Yay!! It turns out that Mr President is really just Mr Fake Fiancé At least that’s what the offices of Speaker of the House Bob Walker are stating To quote the Speaker in his televised address, “I have irrefutable proof that the President of the United States hired Ms Draper with the express intention of pretending to be his fiancée for the purposes of publicity The whole operation was a political PR job With no goal other than to deceive the American people”

If that sounds a bit harsh, the Speaker went on to get even harsher “Ms Draper received no vetting froovernment She was not cleared for any sensitive infors, she has rubbed shoulders with many people ork for institutions and states that could be hostile to the interests of the United States It’s entirely possible that Ms Draper traded sexual favors to a President who is known to like sexual favors for inforotten otherwise”

Did that sound like he was accusing Ashley Draper, the woht would be our future First Lady? Here is what the Speaker of the House went on to say

“Letthe wo a spy I don’t know for what government or institution, but it’s clear that she is in the White House, just moments away from the nuclear launch codes under false pretenses”

You think that’s bad?