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I closed my eyes, I went deep deep inside myself I lay in the dirt of the Monastery of the Caves, a wraith of myself, tumbled back into safest and most terrible memories

"Dear God," I whispered withoutmy lips, "save the the ive up all pleasures, I shall do nothing hour by hour but praise Your Holy Name Lord, God, deliver me Lord, God

- " But as the madness of panic took over, as I lost all sense of time and place, I called out for Marius "Marius, for the love of God, Marius!"

Someone struck me A leather-clad foot struck my head Another struck my ribs, and yet another crushedme I went soft I saw the shocks of the blows as so ht to myself bitterly, ah, what beautiful colors, yes, colors Then came the increased wails of e did they have, these fragile young students, each so well loved and so well taught and grooreat world, to find themselves now at the mercy of these demons whose purpose was unknown toof which I could conceive

"Why do this to us?" I whispered

"To punish you!" caentle whisper "To punish you for all your vain and blasphemous deeds, for the worldly and Godless life you've lived What is Hell to this, young one?"

Ah, so the executioners of the mortal world said a thousand times when they led heretics to the stake "What are the fires of Hell to this brief suffering?" Oh, such self-serving and arrogant lies

"Do you think so?" ca one, for there are those who can pick your hts Thereeternal Your nights of luxury and lasciviousness are over The truth awaits you now "

Once again, I retreated intoplace I had no body any of my body I put my mind at work on the tone of the voices near me, such sweet and pitiable voices I picked out the boys by name and slowly made a count of them Over half our little company, our splendid cherubic company, was in this abominable prison

I did not hear Riccardo But then, when our captors had finished their abuse for a while, I did hear Riccardo

He intoned a litany in Latin, in a raw and desperate whisper "Blessed be God " The others were quick to answer "Blessed be His Holy Naradually beco weak in the silence until Riccardo alone prayed

I did not give the responses

Yet on he went, now that his chargesto colory of God He moved from the litany into the Pater Noster, and froe-old words of the Ave which he said over and over, as ifa rosary, all alone, as he lay imprisoned in the bottom of the ship

I spoke no words to him I did not even let him know that I was there I couldn't save him I couldn't comfort him I couldn't even explain this terrible fate which had befallen us I couldn't above all reveal what I had seen: the Master perishing, the great one gone into the siony of fire

I had slipped into a shock near to despair I lettorch, turning and twisting in the fire, his fine fingers reaching heavenward like spiders in the orange flame Marius was dead; Marius was burned There had been too many of them for Marius I knehat he would have said if he had co specter "There were simply too h I tried "