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A great gratitude flowed out of ratitude "Lord, I see now," I said aloud "I see and I understand " It did at that moment seem very clear to me, the implications of this varied and

ever increasing beauty, this pulsing, radiant world It was so very pregnant with s were utterly resolved I whispered the word "Yes" over and over I nodded, I think, and then it see in words at all

A great force emanated from the beauty It surrounded me as if it were air or breeze or water, but it was none of these It was far h it held th it was nevertheless invisible and without pressure or palpable forht, it is love, it is complete love, and in its coful, for every disappointment, every hurt, everyof this sublioodness, for the bad steps had told s, the elimpse of what love could be

All , and as I ency or questioning, a an All my life came to me in the form of all those I had ever known

I saw my life from the very first ht me here It was not a terribly renant ed my heart On the contrary, it was but a natural and co of myriad tiny events, and these events involved all the other souls whom I had ever touched; I sa the hurts I'd inflicted, and the words of ht solace, and I saw the result of the s I had done I saw the banquet hall of the Florentines, and again in theloneliness hich they stumbled into death I saw the isolation and the sadness of their souls as they had fought to stay alive

What I could not see was my Master's face I could not see who he was I could not see into his soul I could not see what my love meant to him, or what his love meant for me But this was of no importance In fact, I only realized it afterwards when I tried to recount the entire event What mattered noas only that I understood what it meant to cherish others and to cherish life itself I realized what it hadand vibrant pictures of Venice, but old pictures in the antique Byzantine style, which had once flowed so artlessly and perfectly fros, and I saw the effects of what I had paintedand it seereat crowd of information inundated me Indeed, there was such a wealth of it, and it was so easy to coht joy

The knowledge was like the love and like the beauty; indeed, I realized with a great triue, the love, and the beauty-they were all one

"Oh, yes, how could one not see it It's so siht

If I had had a body with eyes, I would have wept, but it would have been a seeping As it was, s I stood still, and the knowledge, the facts, as it were, the hundreds upon hundreds of sical fluid passing throughto reat shower of truth-all this seemed suddenly to fade

There beyond stood the glass city, and beyond it a blue sky, blue as a sky at midday, only one which was now filled with every known star

I started out for the city Indeed, I started with such impetuosity and such conviction that it took three people to hold me back

I stopped I was quite amazed But I knew these men These were priests, old priests ofbefore I had even co, all of which was quite clear to me, and I knew their names and how they had died They were in fact the saints of reat house of catacombs where I had lived

"Why do you hold me?" I asked "Where's my Father? He's here now, is he not?" No sooner had I asked this than I saw my Father He looked exactly as he had always looked He was a big, shaggy rizzled beard and thick long auburn hair the same color as my own His cheeks were rosy from the cold wind, and his lower lip, visible between his thick ray-streaked beard, was ht china blue He waved at ave his usual, casual, hearty wave, and he srasslands, in spite of everyone's advice, and everyone's caution to hunt, with no fear at all of the Mongols or the Tatars swooping down on hireat boith hi, as if he were a rassy fields, and he had his own sharpened arrows, and his big broadshich he could hack off a man's head with one blow

"Father, why are they holding me?" I asked

He looked blank His smile simply faded and his face lost all expression, and then tosadness, he faded in his entirety and he wasn't there