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If that involvesher come, all the better

If not, that's fine

But noith Briar here, in that tiny black bikini—

It's all I see The two of us at the house, sneaking out late, stripping out of our party attire to jump into the pool naked

Dripping wet, out of breath, pressed against each other

That makes sense

It's the only fucking thing that makes sense

A life raft in the middle of the ocean

And, so it

Chapter Eighteen

Briar

We stay the entire hour

I change in the dressing rooed eye makeup Apply another coat of lipstick

There I don't look great, but I look presentable

Even with my hair oing out of style

I can touch it up tonight

Only I' to Liam's place and I don't have my hair dye handy

Orhe anticipated Maybe I can text Bree and ask her to send so over

What would Liam do? Send me, probably

I wouldn't mind the task, really I'd enjoy the time out of the office The excuse to browse a local shop Is there anything punk rock left at Saint Mark's? Or should I go straight to Ulta?

Fashion colors aren't as big as they were a few years ago, but they aren't the rarity they hen I first tried to dye my hair pink in middle school

I'd watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind so et the idea out of my head

I loved the movie before I understood what itso to erase that , deep down, I'd lose some part of myself

But then I don't think of John

I think of erasing every happy memory with my dad

The day he pulled us out of school and took us to Six Flags The birthday we made carrot cake from scratch The summer trip to the city, where we stood in the middle of Times Square and soaked in the wonder

It's al to think about no could I, a certified New Yorker, stare at the most cliché site in the city with stars in my eyes?

Worse, I still love the flashy billboards and throngs of tourists

I tell myself it's ironic The sye of its place in society

That's true, but there's more too

The little girl, in awe of the Coke billboard, asking Dad for a piggy-back ride, begging for real New York pizza

At that moment, I kneanted to move to the city I kneanted to be three thousand miles from home